So it's basically spring, but not really. When it's still 45 with cold wind in your face, and there are black puffy down jackets all around, it's not really spring -- except for the girls wearing yellow pants or Keds with no socks something like that, which just seems odd when it's so cold.
I've been all-around-lucky at avoiding bugs and rats throughout most of my 5-year-stay in NYC, but not so much in the past week. First I found a gigantic roach running across the floor during -- what would have otherwise been -- a relaxing bubble bath. I managed to catch it under a glass and put something on top so it wouldn't get away.
But then, what to do with it? Ah, I was in a rush, so left it there, hoping it might die on its own?
Then I went on another date, which I do way too often. And left the roach behind, happy it was at least trapped.
The last few months, it seems I'm constantly on a date. I don't know how it ended up that way. But I realized I've basically been dating (and drinking) non-stop, which is bad for my health, so I'm really trying to cut back. I definitely became a bit dehydrated.
But anyway, that night I was on a first date w/ this kind of awkward guy who was a bit too uptight for me, but he was very polite and kept complimenting me, which was nice. He travels constantly for work, but said he'd give it up because he's wanting to settle down STAT. (A recent trend, as we'll get to).
We had a nice dinner of very tasty pasta, a bit too much wine, and then a few too many shots. I decided to give him a lesson in loosening up, so I asked him if he would tie his tie around his head, and we popped his collar. It really helped. Then we got some wings, and I told him to eat the dip just w/ his hands. He really enjoyed this, as I think he's spent way too much time in London, and needed a good shaking up. So then I confessed my roach problem, which I thought was appropriate, as he had a tie wrapped around his head at that moment -- so really, could he judge me? And he agreed to come back to throw it out my window. We took some coasters from the bar, which were the perfect thickness for sliding under the glass. Apparently roaches live for months, so it was a good thing he threw it out. I was thankful. And then I sent him home. Nice enough guy, but I really didn't understand his sense of humor, and he's very religious and I'm not. I think he told me I'm going to pergatory? I don't even know how to spell that word, and I'm too lazy to look it up. Sort of like how I feel about religion.
I should really be thankful for the dates though. Though of course I really would prefer to just meet the right guy already! Honestly it gets tiring, even when the dates are wonderfully planned.
Right before him, there were two guys, who were also on the "marriage track" and started mentioning it from the first date, which I guess is a flag. I mean, do they not care about the person? One guy wanted me to life coach him on the first date, which I found frustrating -- they always want it for free. But I asked him one question, which he pondered, and gave me crap answers. So I pushed him, until he had a little breakthrough, which he called a "life changing moment," and I told him that should be worth the price of the Scotch. But then we had 3 Scotches. Then we went to dinner, where I successfully ate my first raw oyster or clam or whatever it was -- in the past I'd always choke on it when I wrongly tried to chew, ending up with a mouth full of sand. Gross. And I think there was some salmon or something. Then he insists, that despite being in the Upper East Side, that we cab it down to Meatpacking (on a school night btw), to go dancing. So we do. We dance at one of the popular places there, and he says I'm basically checking off all of his little marriage boxes, in so many words. Still, it was a "date extravaganza." 3 locations for a first date? I was very impressed.
And so it continued with him. 3 locations for each date.
Then there was another guy. Who, I'm not sure if he was seeing me checking-in on facebook or what, but decided to also up the anti and create his own "date extravaganza." We just met for a drink on the first date, but then he quickly upped that to several drinks and shots, and then drinks at another place, and then dinner, and then he drove me home -- which thinking back...I guess he had a crazy tolerance? But he was a gentleman. I wasn't sure if we hit it off or not though.
So then back to the other one. For the second date, he said it would be a surprise, and to wait on my corner. And a cab would pick me up. He said to wear comfortable shoes. I could help feel terrified that he planned to kill me and wanted the comfy shoes so I'd present more of a challenge? Like that book with the guy who hunts the other guy on an island for sport? But I also REALLY like surprises, so I decided to give it a shot.
He picks me up in this cab, and we drive from the Upper East, to the west side, down the West Side Highway, all the way downtown. I ask if the date is doing a giant loop around the city -- um, one pricy cab fair in rush hour traffic, that's for sure! But we end up at Chelsea Piers, for some driving range golf, which was an interesting idea. He's a cute guy and my best personality type, so I was pretty comfortable around him. So he teaches me some golf, and he's impressed with my athletic ability, and says he wants his kids to be good at sports, so I check this box as well. Great? Um, hmm, kinda weird. So then we go to dinner, at a second location (despite there being restaurants there), in Hell's Kitchen (so a 2nd cab), and then we get drinks at another place (another cab). And then he drops me off in, a 4th cab. Definitely another "date extravaganza."
Then, that weekend, we were going to go ice skating, so we walked over to Central Park, where I admitted I was a bit hungover and sleepy, and he admitted he despised ice skating. So instead we just sat there drinking coffee which was nice, and then he suggested a quick dinner. The "quick dinner" was at a $$$$ restaurant in the Time Warner Center that lasted for 3 hours, and I was in this really casual dress. Not at all prepared for the full tasting menu and bottle of wine thing, but I tried to go with it. We seemed to get along fine, but I kinda felt uncomfortable. Everyone else was fairly dressed up. Then we went to my place and watched some old movies, which was fun, and he was a gentleman. He kept pushing me though, asking if I'd ever take my online profile down, etc., and I kinda clammed up. There were certain things about him that started to bother me. Like he blew in my face to show me his "minty fresh breath." Who does that? And sometimes I'd have to repeat something 3 times before he understood what I meant. He was 35.
Now in between all this, there was an Investment Bankers who seemed horrified at my artsy nature, and despite ordering several pitchers of Sangria after dinner, and staying out past 2, and admitting he was a "serial monogomist" who was having a hard time being single, yet terrified he'd miss out on his newly-found hobby of softball if he ever got into a relationship again, didn't text me. Which I think was just fine.
And there was a guy who just was boring. And probably some others I'm forgetting. Oh yes, a school teacher who was nice enough but lives over an hour away and would never want to live in the city, and so on.
So then, the other guy, perhaps seeing my check-in on facebook at the fancy restaurant, again steps it up with a themed restaurant downtown. I read online that you enter through a mysterious elevator, walk through a dark winding scary passage-way, and then ninja people jump out and scare you, and you eat in a cave-like setting or little rooms -- um, NIGHTMARE for a claustrophobic panic person like me, no? I was a bit terrified, but went anyway, not wanting to miss out on another DATE EXTRAVAGANZA. I really like that phrase, if you haven't noticed?
While I was feeling a bit sick at first (maybe from the long cab ride downtown?), but it luckily went away. I survived, and ended up in the cave area, with disneyland type ninjas jumping out and saying "hi ya!" and lighting all of the food on fire. I felt silly for being scared when I saw all of the 8-year-olds with their families! It was entertaining, and after a lot of sake, I forgot all about the cave setting and my panic attacks, yay!
Part 2? Because as you've noticed, it's not an extravaganza unless it has 3 parts...his surprise (in addition to the Ninja-themed restaurant), was taking me to a pre-paid Tarot Card reader for an hour in the village. That was super fun, yet super awkward, as I didn't want to ask about my love life, and I didn't want her to tell us our compatibility, because I already knew what the answer would be.
I knew she'd say that he's meant to stay in Brooklyn in his little cocoon of where he's from (self-admitted mama's boy), and I'm meant to stay in the city. And we both could use a partner who is better at math than we are. I KNEW that's what she'd say, so I awkwardly declined the dual reading. I also knew he wanted the reading to confirm or deny if I was "wife material" as this dude also was on the marriage track, despite being 28.
In her reading, she did tell me that I'm meant to stay in the city, in the West Village. Not a huge surprise. And she said I would never, ever, fit in in Brooklyn. Also not a surprise. So that pretty much doomed any hint of a budding relationship there.
Then more drinks for part 3.
Then the other guy picked me up in a cab and we went to this fantastic club night at a place where you have to be a member. They had confetti falling from the ceiling, a DJ, and gave out plastic sunglasses and beads. I felt like I was in college which was nice. They also took our photos behind this backdrop thing. We danced, and it was fun. But he seemed distant, and kept saying his work was about to get horrible. Which it did.
He never sent me the photos, because he didn't text me back, ever, despite like a month of going out. But maybe he could tell I wasn't on the marriage track? Still it was strange to not even get a goodbye. He just texted a couple times saying work would be crazy for a month. I took that as the clue, and eventually removed him from my facebook, which wasn't so horrible, because I was wearing my big girl pants. But no one likes endings of course.
Then the other guy texted me when I was out for a birthday party. I had wanted to go dancing w/ these friends, but he really wanted me to meet his friends, so I went. He picked me up, and I saw what Brooklyn is really like in the city. They have cars and drive around, and I was just confused. They cross the street differently. His friends weren't used to meeting new people, so came off as rude, but they're all friends from years ago, and they don't go to networking events and happy hours with strangers constantly, so it was a skill they didn't have.
We got a dinner, and then ended up, sadly, at a horrible techno club, and I hate techno. The girl was wearing sneakers. Everyone was 25. I was out of my element and completely confused. "No, the dance to techno is more hoppy," she said, as if I have any interest in getting it "right?" Then he said he thought the Brookyn folk were warming up to me, again, as if I cared? I was more concerned w/ if I liked them than the reverse.
He was a gentleman, but I let him sleep on my couch due to him being tipsy, and not wanting him to crash his car on the drive back to BK. The next day we went to get brunch and discovered that his car was gone. He hadn't moved it for the reverse-whatever-its-called thing where you need to park across the street for the street sweeper. He'd gone out to buy a toothbrush and discovered this. He tried to buzz back into my building, but as an inexperienced city person, he buzzed the wrong building. Got a girl who sounded like me.
"Who is it?" she said.
"It's me!"
"Who?"
"(His name) Come on! My car got towed! Just let me in already."
She laughs
"Seriously it's not funny! Let me in!"
"You have the wrong apartment."
"No come on! I know it's #9. Like love potion #9! Let me in!"
Eventually she stopped responding, and he called, and discovered he'd had a lengthy, and hilarious, conversation with a total stranger. This is what happens when you're from different worlds. He'd seriously never used a buzzer before. Not that he couldn't learn, but does he really want to? When he wants to buy a house in BK and never leave?
We had a nice brunch, and then he had to jet to locate his now towed car. I knew it spelled doom, as he would blame "the evil city" for his car being MIA.
(Sorry this post is so long by the way...I have a lot to say it seems).
Then I walked over to the park, on a lovely sunny day, and met this really fashionable guy who speaks 4 languages. But it was a "coffee" date, which meant he spent $2 for 2 hours of my time. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that, except it can indicate a wishy-washy nature about dating (or about me), and he admitted he doesn't have a clue which country he wants to live in, because he's too good at adapting, and he hasn't had a GF for forever. But wow he had amazing taste in shoes, and one of those sportcoats with the little patches on the elbows. Wow. He was very down on himself about his French not being flawless, but it sounded pretty good to me.
Maybe it was because I was so dehydrated, or because I hadn't brushed my hair, or maybe I was rambling too much, but he didn't text me back, despite my love for those little elbow pads on that jacket which were so cool.
That night I heard a rustling. OH GOD. Is it another roach?? I was too exhausted to go out that night, despite it being a Saturday, so I tried to sleep (unsuccessfully) and I kept yelling "go away!" whenever I heard the noise. I kept the light on. Eventually it stopped.
I got kinda sick. I had to bail on a meeting I had really wanted to go to. Bummer. Slept all day. By evening I felt good enough to go out with another guy. On Easter Sunday, here I am going on a date. I wish I could say it's unusual for me to have ever gone out with a stranger on a holiday, but it's actually not.
Cabbed it downtown to a nice romantic little bar. Very cute guy. This could go okay, I thought. He already had a drink. I ordered mine. He. Did. Not. Take. Out. His. Wallet. I was in utter shock. The only reason I could think to explain it, was he just didn't find me pretty, and saw no reason to waste $12 or indicate any false interest. So I again, put on those big girl pants, and I paid. Then I couldn't get past it, because if he just wanted me to leave, I wished he'd tell me, instead of pretending to have a conversation. I was barely listening, and wondering if I should just get up and leave? I didn't want his pity if he wasn't interested, I'd just go.
So finally, I just said it. I told him I could just go, or he could apologize for not buying the drink. After some long silences, he finally said sorry, and that he'd make it up with more drinks. Which he did. And he'd brought peeps, which we put onto the drinks.
We stayed there until 2am and had a nice conversation about art and music and things like entrepreneurship. I told him he had nice hair, and he clammed up, and said he hated compliments. I hated that he'd make things so awkward with that weird game he'd played with the drinks,but I couldn't help but like his hair. He put his arm around me when we walked out, but then a cab appeared and he offered it to me, so no chance for a kiss.
I didn't think he'd text, but he did. To invite me to a free event (where he wanted to purchase some things for his apartment). Which honestly was disappointing, as it wasn't really even a date. None of my friends could tell if he was a jerk or not, so I decided to go on the off chance. Though I suspect he's a player because he knows he's good looking and he's 28 and not on the marriage track.
Then I saw tie-around-his-head guy, who'd just flown back into the city -- crazy work schedule as I mentioned. He was jet lagged and not making much sense. And despite dinner being lovely, I could tell we just weren't at all on the same wave length. And him going on and on about "wanting a wife and kids, now," was just creepy, again. He was likeable, but just not for me. And my mom had accidentally friended him on facebook, so he thought he had my families approval or something. I felt bad disappointing him.
The next day, I was in the kitchen when the dreaded roach APPEARED! On the wall right in front of my face. I grabbed a glass that happened to be right on the counter and pushed it onto the wall, trapping him, all in a blur. But then, what would I use as cardboard? I couldn't walk away without losing him! Luckily the other cardboard coaster was still in the kitchen drawer, so I slid it under, forced myself to be calm, and carried it to the window, slid the window open, and launched that roach as far away from me as I could. Poor guy made an arc through the air on his way to landing in the lovely courtyard of trees below. I actually felt a bit bad for him. Threw away the glass, because I've heard bugs lay eggs when scared, as I last resort to leave a legacy of baby bugs behind.
I'm suppose to get brunch with some new one this weekend, and I guess I'll go to that free apartment-furnishing event with the player just because I like his hair. Told the tie-around-his-head one that I don't think it'll work out, and he's on a plane right now anyway. And didn't hear back from either of the date extravaganza ones.
I'm going to take more hip hop classes, and figure out where I want my career to go next. And eating more vegetables. I really need to do that.
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
New Poem
Ice palace and the golden sun
Sitting in my queen's chair of ice,
legs crossed, my frozen palace,
elegant items and furniture
sculpted from this thick block of freeze.
Cold but it holds me tight,
thick ice walls blur my vision,
into wobbly lines, like peering through
an ice cube.
I can't see beyond these familiar
cold walls.
It holds me so tight like a mother
whispering that it will be all right
as long as I let myself be held.
Ice walls conforming to my body.
So long as I don't break out, things
will be fine, it tells me softly,
"Don't consider the possibility."
As much as I want to run free,
it holds me down like a doctor
pushing down on a wounded soldier
on the battlefield, screaming,
"Do not get up. You are wounded.
You must give up the fight,"
And I try to run off anyway,
to fight towards dreams
that are heavy as gold,
thick as metal, gleaming hot like the sun,
all running through my heart every moment,
as much as I try to stiffle the sound of my dreams
falling down like rain sliding down a window,
every moment I wait and hesitate,
parts of my heart are crying for what could have been.
I want to fight.
But this cold terror is here with me,
reminding me of what I lost. How much. Everything.
And with nothing, at least I have nothing more to lose.
That is something to keep. To hold close.
Nothing is my everything.
And that is my only comforting thought.
My ice walls are my palace, and my four-poster
bed and my stuffed bear, all chiseled from this
frozen crystal. My rooms and plans and hopes,
all frozen solid.
But I still dream of moments
that opened like stage curtains
with giant circular lights blinding
white, pouring possibility onto that stage,
those moments that kill you with their intensity
but you're happy to die, to give into that moment fully.
I remember those moments. Those maybes.
I remember handing my heart over, only to lose it for good.
I had to search for it, for years. and in a dark haunted forest,
I finally found it. And now it's finally mine
again.
I don't want to lose it ever again, so I tie it to my finger
like a leash. Like a balloon on a child's hand.
Never to part
again from my own heart.
And in my cold block of ice, I peer out, and I can see that sun so bright,
and it melts the corners of this cube, but I sit so carefully, waiting.
For something. Anything.
But not really expecting much,
because to see the sun again.
to break through and leave behind my thick ice walls,
I'd be a snail without a shell on a plate of escargot.
And I won't allow myself to be served up like that, not again.
Not when I saw what happened before.
All my trust and those small stiches we held our love together
with, were all pulled out until it was a pile of cut fabric,
and then you burned it right to the ground.
Those flames didn't kill you or hurt you at all.
It was a flicker in your mind, it was a stranger passing you on the street,
it was a piece of junk mail in a thick stack in your mailbox -- it all meant nothing to you.
I meant nothing to you. I did. And I still do.
But you, you meant everything to me. Everything.
I was a burn victim, even part of my skin destroyed.
And so I stand in my ice box, dreaming of sunshine.
Of places where I could run faster than I've ever felt,
with my dreams now carried in my heart,
gleaming like gold,
a spotlight pouring right out of my chest,
and taking my stage curtains with me everywhere,
every moment a beauty. A treasure.
Lived and killed each second,
nothing wasted in contemplation and fear.
That is how it could be.
When I finally see beyond this blurred ice, and the
hot sun melts my fear into water, and I can
reach out to hold my heavy gold dreams
in my arms, forever.
Skin grown back, healed, sun shine making me glow,
golden.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Year in Review
It always makes me laugh when I get those "how our year was" emails or letters. They're nice of course, and I'll probably make my own some day. But I find it interesting how people often leave out all the bad stuff, and only include the good things: "Jimmy is enjoying art class, and our dog is now trained." And they don't include the bad things: "I've been starting antidepressants." etc.
My year in review? For 2012.
*Had panic attacks all year, and took cabs mostly.
*Divorce was final.
*Had a gazillion dates, and several short "relationships" if you can call them that?
*I've never been much of a car person, but I dated two guys w/ convertibles in a row over the summer...(a BMW and Porsche 911 I think?). One of them took me to a castle. The other drove me to Connecticut for dinner. Life could be worse. Strangely, they were both the same personality type, INTJ. Which isn't a bad type for me really, but neither were the right match for me long-term. I think I really like cars now.
*Was invited to speak at a pretty awesome college. It was the biggest kind of speech I've done, and they said it was a "home run!" That was seriously an amazing experience.
*Got included in a bunch of awesome publications.
*Made some new friends. Lost some. Made some.
*Spent tons of time crying. Tons.
*Got in the best shape of my life (for several months) until my trainer left :(. I nearly had a 6 pack for a minute there...but I'll get it back. I really like weights now!
*Learned to be more organized.
*Got highlights and much better nails.
*Identified every childhood issue, and worked on them all a ton. Not fun, but I can see the results now. I've never been so happy to be alone. I'm just happy all the time now.
*Reflected a lot on my life goals and think I'm clearer on stuff now.
*So, yay.
I feel 2013 is already off to a great start. With Valentine's Day approaching, the guys are all freaking out realizing how alone they are, so I'm getting a lot more interest than normal. And I'm also just really enjoying being single.
I've gotten into cooking/baking healthy food...which doesn't always turn out great. But sometimes it does. Who knew you could make fast ice cream w/ avocados and cocoa powder? And it's delicious! And I'm starting to learn to hip hop dance, which I just love. Seriously I love it. I'm sad that Americas Best Dance Crew went off of the air, because I only discovered it recently on YouTube. I've noticed I'm writing more again also, which is great.
I got the worst cold, and I think it was actually Whooping Cough, because it was unlike anything I'd ever had -- something about the sickness "felt very 1900s" to me, like you see in movies, when someone is coughing into a hanky and in the next scene they're dead. That's what it felt like. I was in bed pretty much unable to get up all day, and I had to order seamless web for all of my meals, and get into my in-case-of-hurricane food.
I had all of the symptoms, (including cough medicine/drops not helping and making it worse). I read online that garlic is a huge cure for Whooping Cough, and shockingly, it worked!
I read that you grind up garlic, and squish it onto the bottoms of your feet and sleep like that (w/ socks over it -- I also wrapped my feet in plastic wrap because the garlic smell will get on your sheets! ew). After 2.5 weeks of coughing constantly at night, this stopped it within an hour. I was still draggy for a few days, but the cough went away completely. Otherwise, Whooping Cough can last 2-3 months. Just a note, if you use the garlic, it's extremely potent and will burn your skin. I actually got a few burns on my feet and a blistered-burn from it. So it's better to wrap some cheesecloth (or tights) around the garlic so it's not in direct contact with your skin. Lesson learned! It sure killed the bug though.
I also covered the bottoms of my feet w/ olive oil w/ a few drops of peppermint essential oil (again, beware full strength as essential oil will give you 2nd degree burns if not diluted in other oil), and this also really helped -- my mom said Vick's Vapor Rub on the bottoms of your feet helps w/ coughs (and that's Menthol) so I figured peppermint would work similarly, and it worked great!
Your feet soak up and absorb stuff really easily, as you can see. Which is why if you put a garlic clove on your foot, you can taste it in your mouth within 15 minutes (try it, it seriously is so odd!).
Anyway, enough about my feet and natural cures :).
Hopefully I'll be back on the Subway soon, as I've been okay with elevators lately! I have a feeling I'm about to turn the corner on this. And a lot of things! :) I just feel so grateful for everything now, and it's so nice to be over the past finally :).
It's like I'm emerging from the dark cloud stage! Yay!
<3 p="p">
And it helps me know what my clients are sometimes going through. I can help them so much more when I go through more of my own pain and struggles. It's just given me a great perspective on life, and I think I'm becoming more spiritual as well. I feel like now I can really be happy with nothing. So long as I have my potential, that's all I need.
Through it all, I still love New York as much as the first day I set foot on Manhattan ground, here on this blog on day 1. I don't think that will ever change. Just walking the streets at night, no matter how much I was hurting, it just always cheered me up. It always makes me feel at home.
So I don't regret a thing. And here's to having a great 2013 for everyone.
It always makes me laugh when I get those "how our year was" emails or letters. They're nice of course, and I'll probably make my own some day. But I find it interesting how people often leave out all the bad stuff, and only include the good things: "Jimmy is enjoying art class, and our dog is now trained." And they don't include the bad things: "I've been starting antidepressants." etc.
My year in review? For 2012.
*Had panic attacks all year, and took cabs mostly.
*Divorce was final.
*Had a gazillion dates, and several short "relationships" if you can call them that?
*I've never been much of a car person, but I dated two guys w/ convertibles in a row over the summer...(a BMW and Porsche 911 I think?). One of them took me to a castle. The other drove me to Connecticut for dinner. Life could be worse. Strangely, they were both the same personality type, INTJ. Which isn't a bad type for me really, but neither were the right match for me long-term. I think I really like cars now.
*Was invited to speak at a pretty awesome college. It was the biggest kind of speech I've done, and they said it was a "home run!" That was seriously an amazing experience.
*Got included in a bunch of awesome publications.
*Made some new friends. Lost some. Made some.
*Spent tons of time crying. Tons.
*Got in the best shape of my life (for several months) until my trainer left :(. I nearly had a 6 pack for a minute there...but I'll get it back. I really like weights now!
*Learned to be more organized.
*Got highlights and much better nails.
*Identified every childhood issue, and worked on them all a ton. Not fun, but I can see the results now. I've never been so happy to be alone. I'm just happy all the time now.
*Reflected a lot on my life goals and think I'm clearer on stuff now.
*So, yay.
I feel 2013 is already off to a great start. With Valentine's Day approaching, the guys are all freaking out realizing how alone they are, so I'm getting a lot more interest than normal. And I'm also just really enjoying being single.
I've gotten into cooking/baking healthy food...which doesn't always turn out great. But sometimes it does. Who knew you could make fast ice cream w/ avocados and cocoa powder? And it's delicious! And I'm starting to learn to hip hop dance, which I just love. Seriously I love it. I'm sad that Americas Best Dance Crew went off of the air, because I only discovered it recently on YouTube. I've noticed I'm writing more again also, which is great.
I got the worst cold, and I think it was actually Whooping Cough, because it was unlike anything I'd ever had -- something about the sickness "felt very 1900s" to me, like you see in movies, when someone is coughing into a hanky and in the next scene they're dead. That's what it felt like. I was in bed pretty much unable to get up all day, and I had to order seamless web for all of my meals, and get into my in-case-of-hurricane food.
I had all of the symptoms, (including cough medicine/drops not helping and making it worse). I read online that garlic is a huge cure for Whooping Cough, and shockingly, it worked!
I read that you grind up garlic, and squish it onto the bottoms of your feet and sleep like that (w/ socks over it -- I also wrapped my feet in plastic wrap because the garlic smell will get on your sheets! ew). After 2.5 weeks of coughing constantly at night, this stopped it within an hour. I was still draggy for a few days, but the cough went away completely. Otherwise, Whooping Cough can last 2-3 months. Just a note, if you use the garlic, it's extremely potent and will burn your skin. I actually got a few burns on my feet and a blistered-burn from it. So it's better to wrap some cheesecloth (or tights) around the garlic so it's not in direct contact with your skin. Lesson learned! It sure killed the bug though.
I also covered the bottoms of my feet w/ olive oil w/ a few drops of peppermint essential oil (again, beware full strength as essential oil will give you 2nd degree burns if not diluted in other oil), and this also really helped -- my mom said Vick's Vapor Rub on the bottoms of your feet helps w/ coughs (and that's Menthol) so I figured peppermint would work similarly, and it worked great!
Your feet soak up and absorb stuff really easily, as you can see. Which is why if you put a garlic clove on your foot, you can taste it in your mouth within 15 minutes (try it, it seriously is so odd!).
Anyway, enough about my feet and natural cures :).
Hopefully I'll be back on the Subway soon, as I've been okay with elevators lately! I have a feeling I'm about to turn the corner on this. And a lot of things! :) I just feel so grateful for everything now, and it's so nice to be over the past finally :).
It's like I'm emerging from the dark cloud stage! Yay!
<3 p="p">
And it helps me know what my clients are sometimes going through. I can help them so much more when I go through more of my own pain and struggles. It's just given me a great perspective on life, and I think I'm becoming more spiritual as well. I feel like now I can really be happy with nothing. So long as I have my potential, that's all I need.
Through it all, I still love New York as much as the first day I set foot on Manhattan ground, here on this blog on day 1. I don't think that will ever change. Just walking the streets at night, no matter how much I was hurting, it just always cheered me up. It always makes me feel at home.
So I don't regret a thing. And here's to having a great 2013 for everyone.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
new poem by me
Stolen by age
The seeds you threw into
this sandbox
in this place we used to sit
grains of sands covering our hands
as we played as children
your bright eyes gleamed in the sun
with that wonder of just not
knowing
very much at all
but hoping for such
bright things.
These seeds eventually wove
their path, a wave motion,
growth breaking through that
dried out older sand,
until,
I stepped out onto the porch to see
in my old empty sandbox,
flowers, bright purple and pink,
standing tall, greeting me,
with a memory of what you were.
So bright to me.
And even with this empty, empty
city. Know I will never forget, the way
those flowers grew.
Even if I only knew you so long
ago.
Back when we had light in our eyes,
and it wasn’t yet stolen by age and
gray skies and the wearing away
of every day on the subway behind
lonely newspapers.
In my mind I step outside,
to look at that sandbox.
Just a reminder of that sweet smell
of those bright flowers, tall strong stalks
of green, was enough to make me feel
that sunshine in my eyes.
They lit up again.
Even though I’ll never see you again,
thank you, old friend.
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
The hurricane
Let's start with a dramatic photo of the East Village -- the first neighborhood I lived in, in NYC. This is supposedly 8th Street and Ave C (I lived a half a block from here (if you kept walking left out of the photo), and where the small car is on the left side is where where my small grocery store was). I also had lived two blocks south of here, and then 8 blocks south of here (for 2 years). So very odd to see this photo!
I didn't take this photo, so can't vouch for its accuracy of the exact location, but it said it was 8th n C.
I really lucked out with this hurricane. Aside from the wind noises and pre-storm news hysteria scaring me, nothing bad happened (to me anyway).
Most of the city lost power...40th street and below. I was super prepared for this, and expected to lose power. I was waiting for Sandy all day, then waiting for power to go out, and/or a tree to blow through the window -- there are a bunch of trees right outside my window with branches that scrape by the glass in a creepy way even on a normal windy day.
The lights flickered 3-4 times during the night. Facebook posts from a guy who lives a block away kept saying "lights flickering...this won't end well!" which was not encouraging. I had my giant stack of books and battery-opperated lightbulbs and flash lights and candles all set up, waiting. My laptop and cell phone were all charging. My dry food was all sitting out in an easy-to-get-at box. My windows were taped. As the wind noises got louder and louder I even put some duct tape over the window frames (in case trees came in I figured it might catch some glass). and I put cardboard over my AC vents and duct taped that. I made a hot meal, in case I was without heat for a week. I made a bunch of calming tea, chamomile and valerian, as I get panic attacks when trapped -- so the idea of being trapped inside for a week was not comforting. I filled pans with water, filled the tub with water, froze icecubes and 5 big glasses full of water, plus the bottled water I could carry home and up the stairs (that stuff is heavy, so only could get enough for a few days).
I'd bought an assortment of "survival" food that was not very tasty such as a huge thing of peanut butter, but I later went out for "tasty" comfort food snacks such as already popped popcorn, juice-box sized milks, shortbread cookies w/ chocolate, and other such "necessities."
In those last minutes before 6pm I realized I had an old ipod shuffle, and ran to find it to charge it and upload my (small) itunes library to it. I then was desperate to purchase the new Justin Bieber album, as that seemed to be the kind of light and pop-ish stuff I would want to hear if I was sitting in a dark room with a candle, eating cold vegetable soup from a can, reading through that old stack of mags I never bothered to throw out -- it uploaded just in time.
I paced around.
And luckily, nothing happened! I didn't even have to use my "back-up" last resort Bieber songs, though I think the experience made me a belieber.
It was surprising how anxious I became. At lot of it was from watching the news all day. I wanted to be informed, but all of the facts of just how bad it was made me anxious. Then I was waiting 6-7pm, when it was suppose to hit the hardest. As the winds picked up, they became quite loud and came in waves, with a few seconds of quiet in between. When the winds became the peak of loudness it really sounded like something could easily smash through the window, so I'd run towards the back of my apmt (it's one room w/ 2 windows, so no where to "be away from windows" except for the bathroom. I'd run and stand in the bathroom until the sounds died down a bit, come out for a few moments, and repeat.
As the storm continued, I was getting texts from friends downtown who were losing power, and wanted news. And another friend who didn't lose power, but was basically as freaked out as I was -- he was in a very tall residential building, 38th floor, and as the storm was getting loud he said he had one foot out the door and was eyeing the elevators -- I of course said that was a bad idea, as it could get stuck -- but clearly it was a fight or flight irrational reaction. Another friend bought a radio but hadn't tried out the batteries and they didn't work. So all she had was a candle and a rapidly dying iphone.
I texted a bunch of people and told everyone to text the thread w/ any news, since people were losing power. Instead they texted me questions individually...so in any event, I was trying to type out the news as it became available, which at least gave me something to do w/ all that nervous energy.
I was surprised more people didn't prepare. Basing this on the random online dating emails I was getting (more than normal, as people were cooped up), it seemed most guys hadn't prepared really at all -- not smart. A lot of people thought the storm last year not hitting hard meant this year would be the same. I almost figured it would be worse because last year's wasn't.
As the wind started howling and strange sounds started outside, I decided to clean to calm my nerves. I HATE to clean. But, I organized 3 closets, put away a bunch of laundry, organized jewelry, etc. It really helped, and at least I was left with something productive being done.
I was still upset by it, but didn't come close to having a panic attack at all -- I only get those when I feel trapped. And technically I could go outside, I just chose not to. But after reading an article about a Williamsburg apmt building (which is part of Brooklyn close to the city with a lot of hipsters), that locked-in residents who didn't leave before the storm for at least 24 hours, I started to feel panicky and had to remind myself that my building wasn't locked -- though I didn't know that for sure, but there was no reason it would be. I then started worrying that there might be flooding that could last for a few days -- since the East Village had 3 feet of flooding. Luckily, no flooding.
It was almost shocking when the winds finally had a bigger gap between them, closer to 1am...it was such a relief I almost couldn't believe it. They kept on occasionally but didn't sound too threatening. I slept on the couch just to be sure, as it was shielded from the window by a decorative curtain on my bed frame.
I woke up to the news saying that the 59th street area (where I'm close to) was totally fine with the bridge re-opened.
The streets had a strange feel to them today. I couldn't tell if it was a lot of tourists? Because there was luggage and confused-walkers. But that could be disoriented locals also who had come to the area to escape the low-lying zones, and were trying to figure out how to get back.
The subways are closed for up to a week or more. Buses are running, but packed full, and the streets are crazy slow and crowded (since cars are the only way to come and go from the city -- there's a lot of bridge and tunnel people from other boroughs). Airports are all closed.
It was interesting to realize EVERYONE in the city is now in the same world as me -- unable to take transportation. I'd felt so trapped due to my panic attacks on subways, trains, and planes, and now millions of people are in the same boat of having those options excluded.
People downtown now wouldn't dream of taking the very slow bus anywhere, or paying a big price for a cab, but that's how I've been living for a year.
Uptown was a different world from downtown though -- the only real change was big herds of people walking on the sidewalks, and the bars were louder and more crowded for a weekday for sure! -- normally all those people would be at work and/or traveling via subway.
But downtown all the lights were out, the bars closed, and it seemed people were hunting for generator-supplied cell phone charger outlets. I saw a photo of a deli charging to use the outlets from their generator, until it broke.
The main stress for most people is being inside at night w/o light, computer use, or cell phone use. Hardly anyone was killed or injured -- I only heard 1 story that had a reason the storm was involved in a death, which was from someone outside during the hurricane hit by a falling tree. I haven't heard of any other deaths that were due to the storm itself.
It seems a little silly to me that people are calling this such a huge tragedy when compared to other tragedies in the world (and places where there is never power), just about everyone was just fine, and just missing their iphones. It's no worse than camping. I think we're actually a bit spoiled to think a few days w/o power is the end of the world.
There were some dramatic photos, but those were really NOT the norm at all. The flooding was almost all along beach areas, except for the East Village -- 3 feet of water there I admit was very strange, and the building losing its facade was odd, though not unheard of -- I previously saw a story about how government buildings here such as schools often don't meet codes, and it's overlooked (bricks can crack, and walls can pull away from each other on the roof), so any of those problems would make it easy to collapse with a bit of extra wind.
It was very unfortunate that a hospitals back-up generator failed and they had to move patients to another hospital. I wonder if that's where most of those deaths actually occurred, since there was no mention of this in the media. I can't help but think it might be the fault of the hospital, since the rest of the hospitals didn't have problems, but I'm just very critical of the whole medical establishment and their lack of concern for patients in general.
My parents are set to come to visit on Saturday. It'll be the first time my dad has been here in decades, so that's great. Provided that La Guardia is no longer flooded by that time! As of now it's full of water.
A friend from back in AZ was swinging by to say hello tomorrow, except his flight for Thurs was cancelled, so he's trying to re-schedule when the airports are open.
I'm trying to figure out how to meet up w/ friends when they live an hour and a half walk away.
Luckily one of my prospective online dates only lives about a 30 min walk away, so we're going to meet in the middle, which is really only a 15 min walk, so this shouldn't affect my online dating much, lol. Though everyone in the cool downtown neighborhoods will be out of that pool for a while.
I was a bit upset when two of the three restaurants that the guy suggested were places I'd gone w/ the second-to-last guy I'd dated...that was one I really liked who ended up having issues, but I was bummed about how it ended. Seriously, of all the thousands of restaurants, he had to pick a Japanese place and a new ambiance kinda place that the second-to-last-guy had chosen? So I opted for the not-as-good looking third choice (restaurant I mean, not guy), just to not be reminded of the second-to-last guy. I guess the new one does have pretty good taste in restaurants though. Though I don't really think we're compatible from some stuff on his profile (he doesn't think humans come from monkeys as is a republican), but we'll see I guess.
I did end it w/ the last guy, as it wasn't going anywhere and I just didn't think he was the right one for me, even regardless of the lipstick-in-the-car issue...he had some good qualities but that click just wasn't there. I wrote a very nice goodbye email and was hurt he didn't even write back, but oh well. I guess no one likes to get goodbye email.
I've been getting lots of email lately from guys who are the SAME personality type as me. (I put my type in my profile). The problem is I've tried to date my same type for over 10 years and it ALWAYS ends badly after 1-3 months, guaranteed. I've given up on dating them. However, these guys are the only really good looking, good catches, and it's like water-water-everywhere-not-a-drop-to-drink. The city is swarming w/ ENFP guys. And this is just useless and frustrating to me. At least the one tomorrow is an ESTJ, which isn't a bad match. And I guess I should be grateful for the three INTJs and two ISTPs from earlier this year, because it shows that some introverts DO still exist.
Finding non-player ones, who are emotionally healthy, and who are not on a lot of medication or looking to play weird ego games is another story...and so it continues...but I'll just keep carrying on until I eventually find the right person, which should happen at least in the next 30 years at some point or another!
Well so at least I have a huge box of snacks now, a ton of bottled water, and a lot of supplies like flashlights if/when this happens again -- which is does seem to be a yearly thing at this point!
Later gaters.
I really lucked out with this hurricane. Aside from the wind noises and pre-storm news hysteria scaring me, nothing bad happened (to me anyway).
Most of the city lost power...40th street and below. I was super prepared for this, and expected to lose power. I was waiting for Sandy all day, then waiting for power to go out, and/or a tree to blow through the window -- there are a bunch of trees right outside my window with branches that scrape by the glass in a creepy way even on a normal windy day.
The lights flickered 3-4 times during the night. Facebook posts from a guy who lives a block away kept saying "lights flickering...this won't end well!" which was not encouraging. I had my giant stack of books and battery-opperated lightbulbs and flash lights and candles all set up, waiting. My laptop and cell phone were all charging. My dry food was all sitting out in an easy-to-get-at box. My windows were taped. As the wind noises got louder and louder I even put some duct tape over the window frames (in case trees came in I figured it might catch some glass). and I put cardboard over my AC vents and duct taped that. I made a hot meal, in case I was without heat for a week. I made a bunch of calming tea, chamomile and valerian, as I get panic attacks when trapped -- so the idea of being trapped inside for a week was not comforting. I filled pans with water, filled the tub with water, froze icecubes and 5 big glasses full of water, plus the bottled water I could carry home and up the stairs (that stuff is heavy, so only could get enough for a few days).
I'd bought an assortment of "survival" food that was not very tasty such as a huge thing of peanut butter, but I later went out for "tasty" comfort food snacks such as already popped popcorn, juice-box sized milks, shortbread cookies w/ chocolate, and other such "necessities."
In those last minutes before 6pm I realized I had an old ipod shuffle, and ran to find it to charge it and upload my (small) itunes library to it. I then was desperate to purchase the new Justin Bieber album, as that seemed to be the kind of light and pop-ish stuff I would want to hear if I was sitting in a dark room with a candle, eating cold vegetable soup from a can, reading through that old stack of mags I never bothered to throw out -- it uploaded just in time.
I paced around.
And luckily, nothing happened! I didn't even have to use my "back-up" last resort Bieber songs, though I think the experience made me a belieber.
News such as this did not alleviate my fears.
It was surprising how anxious I became. At lot of it was from watching the news all day. I wanted to be informed, but all of the facts of just how bad it was made me anxious. Then I was waiting 6-7pm, when it was suppose to hit the hardest. As the winds picked up, they became quite loud and came in waves, with a few seconds of quiet in between. When the winds became the peak of loudness it really sounded like something could easily smash through the window, so I'd run towards the back of my apmt (it's one room w/ 2 windows, so no where to "be away from windows" except for the bathroom. I'd run and stand in the bathroom until the sounds died down a bit, come out for a few moments, and repeat.
As the storm continued, I was getting texts from friends downtown who were losing power, and wanted news. And another friend who didn't lose power, but was basically as freaked out as I was -- he was in a very tall residential building, 38th floor, and as the storm was getting loud he said he had one foot out the door and was eyeing the elevators -- I of course said that was a bad idea, as it could get stuck -- but clearly it was a fight or flight irrational reaction. Another friend bought a radio but hadn't tried out the batteries and they didn't work. So all she had was a candle and a rapidly dying iphone.
I texted a bunch of people and told everyone to text the thread w/ any news, since people were losing power. Instead they texted me questions individually...so in any event, I was trying to type out the news as it became available, which at least gave me something to do w/ all that nervous energy.
I was surprised more people didn't prepare. Basing this on the random online dating emails I was getting (more than normal, as people were cooped up), it seemed most guys hadn't prepared really at all -- not smart. A lot of people thought the storm last year not hitting hard meant this year would be the same. I almost figured it would be worse because last year's wasn't.
As the wind started howling and strange sounds started outside, I decided to clean to calm my nerves. I HATE to clean. But, I organized 3 closets, put away a bunch of laundry, organized jewelry, etc. It really helped, and at least I was left with something productive being done.
I was still upset by it, but didn't come close to having a panic attack at all -- I only get those when I feel trapped. And technically I could go outside, I just chose not to. But after reading an article about a Williamsburg apmt building (which is part of Brooklyn close to the city with a lot of hipsters), that locked-in residents who didn't leave before the storm for at least 24 hours, I started to feel panicky and had to remind myself that my building wasn't locked -- though I didn't know that for sure, but there was no reason it would be. I then started worrying that there might be flooding that could last for a few days -- since the East Village had 3 feet of flooding. Luckily, no flooding.
It was almost shocking when the winds finally had a bigger gap between them, closer to 1am...it was such a relief I almost couldn't believe it. They kept on occasionally but didn't sound too threatening. I slept on the couch just to be sure, as it was shielded from the window by a decorative curtain on my bed frame.
I woke up to the news saying that the 59th street area (where I'm close to) was totally fine with the bridge re-opened.
The streets had a strange feel to them today. I couldn't tell if it was a lot of tourists? Because there was luggage and confused-walkers. But that could be disoriented locals also who had come to the area to escape the low-lying zones, and were trying to figure out how to get back.
The subways are closed for up to a week or more. Buses are running, but packed full, and the streets are crazy slow and crowded (since cars are the only way to come and go from the city -- there's a lot of bridge and tunnel people from other boroughs). Airports are all closed.
It was interesting to realize EVERYONE in the city is now in the same world as me -- unable to take transportation. I'd felt so trapped due to my panic attacks on subways, trains, and planes, and now millions of people are in the same boat of having those options excluded.
I didn't take this photo, but thought it looked interesting. People walking on a closed highway...which wasn't closed for that long...
People downtown now wouldn't dream of taking the very slow bus anywhere, or paying a big price for a cab, but that's how I've been living for a year.
Uptown was a different world from downtown though -- the only real change was big herds of people walking on the sidewalks, and the bars were louder and more crowded for a weekday for sure! -- normally all those people would be at work and/or traveling via subway.
But downtown all the lights were out, the bars closed, and it seemed people were hunting for generator-supplied cell phone charger outlets. I saw a photo of a deli charging to use the outlets from their generator, until it broke.
I also didn't take this photo. This was close to Union Sq. A deli letting people charge phones for a fee, until their generator broke. You can see the guy counting cash. Not a bad idea really.
The main stress for most people is being inside at night w/o light, computer use, or cell phone use. Hardly anyone was killed or injured -- I only heard 1 story that had a reason the storm was involved in a death, which was from someone outside during the hurricane hit by a falling tree. I haven't heard of any other deaths that were due to the storm itself.
It seems a little silly to me that people are calling this such a huge tragedy when compared to other tragedies in the world (and places where there is never power), just about everyone was just fine, and just missing their iphones. It's no worse than camping. I think we're actually a bit spoiled to think a few days w/o power is the end of the world.
There were some dramatic photos, but those were really NOT the norm at all. The flooding was almost all along beach areas, except for the East Village -- 3 feet of water there I admit was very strange, and the building losing its facade was odd, though not unheard of -- I previously saw a story about how government buildings here such as schools often don't meet codes, and it's overlooked (bricks can crack, and walls can pull away from each other on the roof), so any of those problems would make it easy to collapse with a bit of extra wind.
It was very unfortunate that a hospitals back-up generator failed and they had to move patients to another hospital. I wonder if that's where most of those deaths actually occurred, since there was no mention of this in the media. I can't help but think it might be the fault of the hospital, since the rest of the hospitals didn't have problems, but I'm just very critical of the whole medical establishment and their lack of concern for patients in general.
My parents are set to come to visit on Saturday. It'll be the first time my dad has been here in decades, so that's great. Provided that La Guardia is no longer flooded by that time! As of now it's full of water.
A friend from back in AZ was swinging by to say hello tomorrow, except his flight for Thurs was cancelled, so he's trying to re-schedule when the airports are open.
I'm trying to figure out how to meet up w/ friends when they live an hour and a half walk away.
Luckily one of my prospective online dates only lives about a 30 min walk away, so we're going to meet in the middle, which is really only a 15 min walk, so this shouldn't affect my online dating much, lol. Though everyone in the cool downtown neighborhoods will be out of that pool for a while.
I was a bit upset when two of the three restaurants that the guy suggested were places I'd gone w/ the second-to-last guy I'd dated...that was one I really liked who ended up having issues, but I was bummed about how it ended. Seriously, of all the thousands of restaurants, he had to pick a Japanese place and a new ambiance kinda place that the second-to-last-guy had chosen? So I opted for the not-as-good looking third choice (restaurant I mean, not guy), just to not be reminded of the second-to-last guy. I guess the new one does have pretty good taste in restaurants though. Though I don't really think we're compatible from some stuff on his profile (he doesn't think humans come from monkeys as is a republican), but we'll see I guess.
I did end it w/ the last guy, as it wasn't going anywhere and I just didn't think he was the right one for me, even regardless of the lipstick-in-the-car issue...he had some good qualities but that click just wasn't there. I wrote a very nice goodbye email and was hurt he didn't even write back, but oh well. I guess no one likes to get goodbye email.
I've been getting lots of email lately from guys who are the SAME personality type as me. (I put my type in my profile). The problem is I've tried to date my same type for over 10 years and it ALWAYS ends badly after 1-3 months, guaranteed. I've given up on dating them. However, these guys are the only really good looking, good catches, and it's like water-water-everywhere-not-a-drop-to-drink. The city is swarming w/ ENFP guys. And this is just useless and frustrating to me. At least the one tomorrow is an ESTJ, which isn't a bad match. And I guess I should be grateful for the three INTJs and two ISTPs from earlier this year, because it shows that some introverts DO still exist.
Finding non-player ones, who are emotionally healthy, and who are not on a lot of medication or looking to play weird ego games is another story...and so it continues...but I'll just keep carrying on until I eventually find the right person, which should happen at least in the next 30 years at some point or another!
Well so at least I have a huge box of snacks now, a ton of bottled water, and a lot of supplies like flashlights if/when this happens again -- which is does seem to be a yearly thing at this point!
Later gaters.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Hurricane and Halloween
It's strange to prepare for both on the same day. My mind is a scramble of "where is my Alice in Wonderland costume?" and "I need to sew the broken part of my rabbit purse back on" and "I wonder how important an emergency radio is?" and "how much water can I really carry at one time?"
The stores are this weird mix of people buying Halloween candy, beer for parties, and large amounts of candles and canned goods. There was a lot of tension in the Chef Boyardee section, with people unsure if they should grab large amounts mixed with, "hmm, do I really ever want to eat whatever that is?"
I bought an enormous jar of cheap peanut butter. I really don't like the stuff, but hey, survival is survival.
Dressing up as Alice again this year, will write more later. Best wishes for a city NOT destroyed by a hurricane.
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The stores are this weird mix of people buying Halloween candy, beer for parties, and large amounts of candles and canned goods. There was a lot of tension in the Chef Boyardee section, with people unsure if they should grab large amounts mixed with, "hmm, do I really ever want to eat whatever that is?"
I bought an enormous jar of cheap peanut butter. I really don't like the stuff, but hey, survival is survival.
Dressing up as Alice again this year, will write more later. Best wishes for a city NOT destroyed by a hurricane.
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Thursday, October 4, 2012
I lost my iphone :(
I'd never lost a phone before, ever. Going back to my first cell phone in college. I don't tend to lose things very often, and usually, if I do, the thing has fallen behind something like a bed or shelves.
So when I left my iphone in a cab, I just couldn't believe it. :(
It's really bizarre, but again, I didn't drink much (3 drinks for the whole night, with food), and I came home and was throwing up like crazy, and the whole next day I was about to throw up and exhausted (I took a 4 hour nap). It was again a date, and I was reading online that people are putting eye drops in drinks now, which have a much milder effect than roofies, but do result in throwing up, not feeling well, etc., with some slight memory loss/slowing of heart rate, etc. Eye drops have actually killed people before, so you don't want to mess around with that.
It seems impossible that this could have happened to me twice, but this guy seemed kinda shady, and I was DUMB and again left my drink on the bar and went to the bathroom. It was just really dumb. It was a big drink, and there was no way I could finish it before going to the ladies. But I shouldn't have kept drinking it when I returned.
I couldn't even remember if I had taken a cab home or not, so I had to look at my credit card bill. I didn't remember getting ready for bed, and I knew I'd thrown up but I couldn't remember where. It was at home. I called my mom on the landline and asked her to text my phone (in case someone found it), but sadly whoever found it turned it off and kept it. She said I sounded extremely drunk.
So, goodbye Iphone4s. I'm going to buy a new one tomorrow, but I really miss that phone, and all my data. I had backed it up on my desktop, but the application expired and I didn't pay the $10 to renew it...ugh.
It was also a bday gift from my ex husband, right after I moved out.
The worst part is not having my calendar. I now have to make a lot of calls and ask "when were we meeting" or "when does this class start" etc. So frustrating.
Maybe I should just give up on dating for a while.
I recently had one guy, very good looking, who giggled during the entire date. Not just the beginning. On paper he was great, but I just couldn't get past that school girl nervous giggle -- yuck. We hung out for the whole night, at least 6 hours or so, and he giggled constantly. It was unnerving.
The thing is, I had at least 4-5 strong mixed drinks (one after the next -- I was drinking without a break the whole time) and ended with 2 shots (one right after the next), and I didn't throw up at all or feel sick in the slightest. I wasn't hung over the next day either. And of course I didn't lose anything, and I remember not really even acting drunk. I completely remember saying goodbye, getting in the cab, going home, etc.
So that's why I felt it was strange that 2 wines and a mixed drink (with food) would knock me out like that.
The worst part was, at some point, I texted the guy (from the previous lipstick-the-wasn't-mine story), and I told him that I'd read his Yelp reviews, and realized (from his review of a bar he was at on a date w/ some blonde girl) that he'd picked me up immediately after leaving a previous date -- it made me mad because he was complaining he was working and studying a lot, and said "he couldn't read another page, so let's hang out," and I HATE lies.
So here I am texting him super late at night, and then I lost my phone, so I don't even know what his reaction was. I do remember he texted that he wrote a bunch of reviews at one time, so the date was a few weeks before, but who knows.
I don't even care about him seeing others, since I told him early on that I didn't want to be exclusive with him (I just don't think he's a long term match), so there's no reason for me to even be upset about the Yelp thing, except for the dishonesty. He could have said he was out with "a friend" or whatever. I just can't stand lies. I was planning on ending it for a while, but I guess this is a good excuse to.
I also lost the phone numbers of all of the guys I was talking to. Luckily, there weren't any in there that I was that excited about, but if there were, that would have been horrible. Because what would I do, text them and say, "Oh, were you planning on asking me out again? Because I've lost my phone. If not, carry on and have a nice life." LOL.
Ugh.
At least I have my land line phone. And thank God I didn't lose my keys, because I have no way to get in if that happens. I should really find a key-friend to keep a set I guess. And my mom sent me a cool colander/strainer thing.
I'm really enjoying my gym classes though. The kangaroo spring shoes one is pretty amazing. After 3 times going, I can finally not need to take breaks...before I had to take about 4!
I took a break from working on the panic attacks, but need to get back into that. I'm thinking of just going and standing on the subway platform, until I can get the guts to get on an local train and just go 1 stop. My fear is that the car would get stuck (before I can work up to longer times). But we'll see i guess.
Hopefully if I can do that, I can conquer trains, and then work up to planes, which I can't even imagine doing at this point. It's been almost 2 years since I've been home, and it makes me dizzy to even think about. I really miss it, and it's strange to feel like I "can't" go, so I really need to conquer this.
But on the plus side, match is using some of my advice in an upcoming article that will come out in several months. Strange anyone would take my advice when my life is so ridiculous right now, but I'm still very thankful for it. And I'm also thankful to have my mom to call drunk in the middle of the night when I've lost my phone.
Maybe I should just stop drinking. I don't even really even like it. It's just what people do here when they go out. I really hate having a headache the next day. Maybe I'll do a cleanse diet or something.
Hopefully these posts will stop being so depressing soon!
So when I left my iphone in a cab, I just couldn't believe it. :(
It's really bizarre, but again, I didn't drink much (3 drinks for the whole night, with food), and I came home and was throwing up like crazy, and the whole next day I was about to throw up and exhausted (I took a 4 hour nap). It was again a date, and I was reading online that people are putting eye drops in drinks now, which have a much milder effect than roofies, but do result in throwing up, not feeling well, etc., with some slight memory loss/slowing of heart rate, etc. Eye drops have actually killed people before, so you don't want to mess around with that.
It seems impossible that this could have happened to me twice, but this guy seemed kinda shady, and I was DUMB and again left my drink on the bar and went to the bathroom. It was just really dumb. It was a big drink, and there was no way I could finish it before going to the ladies. But I shouldn't have kept drinking it when I returned.
I couldn't even remember if I had taken a cab home or not, so I had to look at my credit card bill. I didn't remember getting ready for bed, and I knew I'd thrown up but I couldn't remember where. It was at home. I called my mom on the landline and asked her to text my phone (in case someone found it), but sadly whoever found it turned it off and kept it. She said I sounded extremely drunk.
So, goodbye Iphone4s. I'm going to buy a new one tomorrow, but I really miss that phone, and all my data. I had backed it up on my desktop, but the application expired and I didn't pay the $10 to renew it...ugh.
It was also a bday gift from my ex husband, right after I moved out.
The worst part is not having my calendar. I now have to make a lot of calls and ask "when were we meeting" or "when does this class start" etc. So frustrating.
Maybe I should just give up on dating for a while.
I recently had one guy, very good looking, who giggled during the entire date. Not just the beginning. On paper he was great, but I just couldn't get past that school girl nervous giggle -- yuck. We hung out for the whole night, at least 6 hours or so, and he giggled constantly. It was unnerving.
The thing is, I had at least 4-5 strong mixed drinks (one after the next -- I was drinking without a break the whole time) and ended with 2 shots (one right after the next), and I didn't throw up at all or feel sick in the slightest. I wasn't hung over the next day either. And of course I didn't lose anything, and I remember not really even acting drunk. I completely remember saying goodbye, getting in the cab, going home, etc.
So that's why I felt it was strange that 2 wines and a mixed drink (with food) would knock me out like that.
The worst part was, at some point, I texted the guy (from the previous lipstick-the-wasn't-mine story), and I told him that I'd read his Yelp reviews, and realized (from his review of a bar he was at on a date w/ some blonde girl) that he'd picked me up immediately after leaving a previous date -- it made me mad because he was complaining he was working and studying a lot, and said "he couldn't read another page, so let's hang out," and I HATE lies.
So here I am texting him super late at night, and then I lost my phone, so I don't even know what his reaction was. I do remember he texted that he wrote a bunch of reviews at one time, so the date was a few weeks before, but who knows.
I don't even care about him seeing others, since I told him early on that I didn't want to be exclusive with him (I just don't think he's a long term match), so there's no reason for me to even be upset about the Yelp thing, except for the dishonesty. He could have said he was out with "a friend" or whatever. I just can't stand lies. I was planning on ending it for a while, but I guess this is a good excuse to.
I also lost the phone numbers of all of the guys I was talking to. Luckily, there weren't any in there that I was that excited about, but if there were, that would have been horrible. Because what would I do, text them and say, "Oh, were you planning on asking me out again? Because I've lost my phone. If not, carry on and have a nice life." LOL.
Ugh.
At least I have my land line phone. And thank God I didn't lose my keys, because I have no way to get in if that happens. I should really find a key-friend to keep a set I guess. And my mom sent me a cool colander/strainer thing.
I'm really enjoying my gym classes though. The kangaroo spring shoes one is pretty amazing. After 3 times going, I can finally not need to take breaks...before I had to take about 4!
I took a break from working on the panic attacks, but need to get back into that. I'm thinking of just going and standing on the subway platform, until I can get the guts to get on an local train and just go 1 stop. My fear is that the car would get stuck (before I can work up to longer times). But we'll see i guess.
Hopefully if I can do that, I can conquer trains, and then work up to planes, which I can't even imagine doing at this point. It's been almost 2 years since I've been home, and it makes me dizzy to even think about. I really miss it, and it's strange to feel like I "can't" go, so I really need to conquer this.
But on the plus side, match is using some of my advice in an upcoming article that will come out in several months. Strange anyone would take my advice when my life is so ridiculous right now, but I'm still very thankful for it. And I'm also thankful to have my mom to call drunk in the middle of the night when I've lost my phone.
Maybe I should just stop drinking. I don't even really even like it. It's just what people do here when they go out. I really hate having a headache the next day. Maybe I'll do a cleanse diet or something.
Hopefully these posts will stop being so depressing soon!
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