random notes

I went to DC, since my mom was there visiting my sister. I made some random notes on trains and other places. Not edited and a bit rambly...:)

1) I'm on a train through Newark, New Jersey. I hadn't seen the uninterrupted sky in two months. Can't say I missed it, but it's strange to see trees. So much space reminds me of Arizona. Highways and streets I knew so well. I don't recognize a single one of these. It didn't quite sink in, until I saw the sun from the train window.

2) It's been raining in Baltimore, so they ask passengers to use cauting when stepping off the train. The heavy black woman hits her head on the ceiling, getting up from the seat. The girl in the next isle is blonde with black boots and her voice is low like these New Yorker girls. All much toughter than me and they probably don't burst into tears as easily.

Before

I left them standing
there
after I got my metro card
wandered away like a dog

becomming lost

but my mind stays there
in the corner of smiles
and hands in pockets
I in the other direction
to a place that
doesn't have a name yet

but I hope to call it something

familiar soon

Washington
DC isn't messy
enough for me
though I must admit
their waffle cone metro ceilings
are quite nice
I think that I could
lick the seats
to test if they are
plastic
because
unlike the subway
everything here is
sanitized

City
The black sky
is for stars and buildings
gleaming at night
I'm on the first of the
trains home
metro to amtrack to subway
to endless pavement
black boots
strike the ground
like a match

I don't really care
for ones like him
a tree in winter
all year round

the young ones shine like a brand
new city
I grow old like a brick

but I'll hold it together
yellow sun sinks back
and must cry when it pours
cities blurring by
train stops, people leave
with bags and tickets
children calmly play
next to me
everyone going somewhere else

Sitting room
I eat stale
gummy bears
train station
been here for a while
stringing out
hopes to dry
heavy clothespins hold them down
but they seem to always get caught up
in the breeze
the few that stay
end up drenched
in daily rain and opinions
highlighting
the few patterns
I should sew
out of my life
when I'd rather design
something new
these tracks
hit the middle of me
every time I stand
again

Next
the next train comes around
I remeber sitting on the side
of that bed with gray thoughts
like a fire smoking
up my brain
she said I'd been pushed down
one time too many
but it was up to me
whether or not I stood
like a porch light turned off for good
no one might ever find you
but keep it on
and they'll come like a ship
like pouring hopes out on the sidewalk
to watch them rise back up to
the clouds
giving up in a choice, she said
I wrapped my arms around
I must admit
to being nothing
and no one can claim any more

Waiting
I wait for the train
as it rains
and think of things I waited for before
I might pass out
or make a pass at that marine dressed up
for the capital
I'm not sure if I should throw up or fall asleep
drinking in all the uncertainty
I remember on new years
he said I looked so bored standing there
I said he was right, noticed he was just
the right height
he collects match books from
restaurants
I'm tired of collecting things
so I gave them all away
now I live in the heart of the world
I feel it beating
wraps around me, this city
and holds me like a womb
but it's still agonizing to be born
original thoughts are damn expensive
and as rare are real love
couples under umbrellas look pretty
but you never know the story
until you stand right there
I remember that night in the east village
when he asked for a list of what
I read
I said nothing
then how do you know what to write?
I don't know, I said, whatever comes
to mind
he wasn't as nice as he pretended to be
and everyone in this city is a writer
or says they are