yeah!

I just moved into a new apartment! I'm so excited. Packing took longer than I expected.

I moved to New York with one small carry-on suitcase and a laptop bag. That was it. I have accumulated a bed, desk, and sixteen trash bags of stuff in only four months! Granted, some of that was mailed from AZ...but there were several shoe purchases as well *guilty look*.

This apartment is sooo quiet. It's 2am and the keys on my laptop sound so loud! I was so used to noise at the other place that this afternoon, the sound of a woman screaming and five minutes of non-stop honking didn't even make me jump. I actually thought to myself "hmm...that really should have gotten my attention. ...I should care." But everything sounded like white noise after a few months of that. A fire alarm would probably put me to sleep.

Case in point, last night about twenty 20-somethings were running, screaming, leaping and doing back-flips (literally) down my street and I heard it all. I looked out the window in time to see several back flips. Or maybe they were front flips? don't recall. Did I think "wow! back flips!" No, I was just like. "ah, yeah. back to sleep."

But here, it's only "click click click." I had thought my keys were silent, but no, they have a noise. I have heard it for the first time tonight. I forgot what silence sounded like. It sounds so...quiet!

In other news, my closet is so big I can walk into it and stand there! I did this about three times.

I love NY!

Just met oodles of freelancers at the Starbucks! How fun. It's like a little office here and everyone knows eachother. I'd gone to a coffee place for years in Phoenix and never met anyone there, including freelancers, so this is nice.

I'm moving to a new apmt. next Sat and can't wait!

Also, it snowed like craaazy this morning. Finally got to use the snowboots, even if it was getting a bit slushy. The ground was the consistency of a good italian ice -- minus the color and flavoring of course. I'm really digging this cold weather.

The snow did get kinda black and disgusting after a while, but wasn't too bad.

eclipse

Tonight there was an eclipse. As I hurried to the Starbucks to finish work at 10:00pm, people on the street stopped in their tracks to stare up at the sky. Strangers asked if I'd seen it, as I hurred by clusters of standing ones. How cute!

New York

My mom and aunts were in town and it was great fun! We saw sites and it was nice to feel like this is all a vacation.

I ran into a friend yesterday when walking past Rockerfeller center, which was strange because I didn't think I really knew anyone and I didn't think it was possible to run into people here.

A cab driver sang opera to me. Only in New York. He said something that implied I was a local and I smiled to myself.

We went to the planetarium. Seeing all those stars and explosions reminded me that all my worries are trivial. Watching those asteroid colliding and millions of stars makes you feel strange. Like you've been living with blinders on. Here were are on this little planet and we aren't imporant at all. It mixes together terror with awe and hope. It reminded me that everything just is and it's perfect like that. It's like a huge Russian doll expanding into layer upon layer with horizon lines stretching back forever and larger duplicates taking the place of smaller ones. And going in the other direction, shrinking down and cutting everything in half until it's smaller than anything we've seen and then it continues to get even smaller. Change and expansion are the only things that seem to stay the same.

Even the things that seem so stable and fixed like the moon in the sky are just waiting to change, to collide with something new when you least expect it. And I guess accepting that could make life so much easier. Otherwise it's a dissapointment every time the tide changes, if you're looking to freeze the ocean. That's something I'll try to remember, but it's hard when daily things seem so very important.

I'm sitting in a Midtown startucks. I've listened to bankers talking about huge million and billion dollar deals, businesswomen interviewing a graphic designer who reminded me of Mirando on Sex and The City, and a college-aged guy with three Brazillian women (who must be models) all over him. Or maybe it's just that they're Brazillian and so kiss both cheeks to say hello. But one keeps brushing imaginary lint off of his chest. They all have perfect eyeliner.

Everyone here wears suits and mostly gray and black. My huge purple bag gives away the fact that I'm not quite Midtown-ish. But I'm not really East Village-ish either. And this is one of those facts that doesn't matter at all of course, as I'm a tiny spec on a big green and blue swirling ball floating around in a black sea of who knows what.

dogs, rain, crossing streets, history and veterans

I know I’m getting used to all of this, because dogs wearing coats now makes sense to me. Even hooded dog sweatshirts under a down tech vest. Instead of laughing, I think, "right." Actually, I think, "right, right" because everyone says that here. "Right, right." "Yeah, yeah." Or sometimes, "right, right, right"

They also order their pizza authoritatively and loudly. I thought this was rude until I realized it's more rude to say it quietly and then have to repeat it three times. It's loud here, so the people have to be louder than the background noise. Makes sense.

I like the way New Yorkers look when they cross the street. There is this whole choreographed routine they all do.

First, they stand hand in pockets, legs hip width apart, five or six feet into the street and watch the on-coming cars a bit smugly. You’ll notice that no one stands with legs wider apart than that. Both legs are always straight. No bent knees in that LA way with a hand on one hip or anything like that. Hands almost always in pockets.

Then they look the other direction briefly to see if there are cars, and look back in the original direction, a slightly annoyed expression hidden behind a blank face, not moving their body at all. No dancing from side to side. No saying "Oh! When will the street be clear?" No, it's a silent, still dance.

Finally, when the car, cab, or huge bus has just barely passed by, they plunge right into the street with the confidence of someone crossing the street on green.

Then, they glide along, taking long steps. They let their feet slide on the ground like a runway model or salsa dancer and don't pick them up very much. No one takes little bouncy steps here. It’s always long gliding struts, except for tourists.

When I watch fain falling down it makes me remember how very small humans are. For all of our technology, we can’t stop the rain. It will always fall and the wind will blow, because we’re not any better than the trees forced to sway or the birds that are hiding somewhere. I watch drops bouncing off the top of a truck. The forces that affect those drops affect us the same. So for all our fashion sense and educated worldliness and evolved thought, we are still as fragile as a bird, hiding from the rain.

Sometimes I look at the old buildings and try to picture how it must have looked back then in the 1900s in those paintings and photos I’ve seen with the old fashioned people and the markets on the streets. We still tuck our pants into our boots, even if we have skinny jeans now. I don’t think things are really very different as history follows so close behind. It wasn’t so long ago those people stood right here. The buildings are still standing and that amazes me.

All the categories are just imaginary dotted lines that we pretend to not see through. The plotted careers and five-year plans mean nothing. It’s all just rain falling and an animal taking cover. Nothing more. Nothing less.

I’ve never been in weather like this before, but it reminds me of two things. I’m alive and I’m no different from another other animal that needs to escape cold.

Last night I was wandering the streets killing time as the snow was billowing down from the sky and falling in blankets hiding the ugly sidewalks and garbage bags beneath. I realized this is why in movies, the characters run into shops and bars to escape the cold. It isn’t some stereotype. It really is cold. And like those characters, I slid into a corner shop, dusted the snow confetti out of my hair, simply to stand in there because it was warm. I got some soup and let me tell you, that it the best soup I’ve ever had. I’m not sure what it tasted like, but it tasted like warm.

I was so glad to be so cold, because for the first time in my life I could appreciate warm. This makes me think maybe there are other things I should do without just to make the distinction clear. Because I think that’s where happiness comes from.

In the rain, I walked past a guy in Tompkins Sq. park carrying a duffle bag, about my age. He slowed down as I walked up and I had a feeling he was going to say something or ask for change. He was walking with no umbrella in the heavy rain in the park. No one was around, so I felt just a tinge of concern. He slowly turned as he could hear me walking up.

“This country screws American Iraqi war veterans. Puts them on the street. Just puts them on the street.”

I didn’t know what to say. Was he a homeless kid looking for change like I was used to? Was what he was saying true? It could be. It’s so hard to tell if anything is true these days.

It was strange to realize that veterans are now our age. They are not some other generation I’ve heard about in school books. They are kids who maybe I sat next to in elementary school. And now they’re wandering the streets, confused.

snow!!

Here is a picture of me being like "Wow. There is white stuff falling. Wow." Not the best picture, but it captures my slight confusion that this white stuff is not just something of Hollywood Christmas movies. It apparently happens at other times, such as walking home from the store.

We went out salsa dancing last night in this incredible snow storm thing. Not sure what to call it. A blizzard? I don't know the technical terms. There was a lot of snow falling and piling up. I almost slipped a couple of times. I felt like I was on the inside of a snow globe. And then I realized, duh. That's why they make snow globes.

I saw some guy outside of a shop shovelling snow and told my friend that was the first time I've seen that in real life. She probably thinks I'm such an AZ girl.

So we made it all the way out to salsa, showing our true decication to the NY salsa scene! It was a fun place too, but unfortunately is closing for rennovation.

The quest for wireless

Yesterday, I decided to take my laptop out on a field trip so I could finally get much-needed work done. I went on a coffee shop quest.

All I was looking for wireless internet. How hard could it be? I even purchased a Tmoblile account so I could have unlimited wirelss options at starbucks all over the city. However, I had to go to three Starbucks, because all of them lacked something.

The first starbucks is about 10 blocks from me. I walked there, versus a small cool indy east village coffee place, because I had already paid for the tmobile thing, and the other coffee places are $2-$6 an hour for internet.

Lug my laptop in. Get my obligatory coffee. Look around and it’s packed.

The first question – is there somewhere to sit? At many new york coffee places, the answer is “no” which means stalking. On top of that, it is important to stalk a seat next to an outlet, because otherwise your laptop will die in five minutes. The next issue, is whether or not the wireless internet will actually work upon sitting down and plugging in your computer.

At this first Stabucks, there were at least 3 empty seats in this huge place – one of the largest starbucks I’ve seen. There was also an outlet at my lucky bench thing. However, the wireless internet did not work, which is what I told a stranger as he asked me “do they have wirless here?” “yeah, but it doesn’t work.”

So I pack up my stuff and go down the street. A couple blocks away, the next starbucks did in fact have one place open to sit, which I grabbed. Luckily, the wirless did work! However, there were no outlets. I take it back. There was one outlet with two plug ins being occupied by two weird guys who were charging their cell phones. I waited an hour for them to leave, but they didn’t leave. I watched helplessly as my laptop’s screen went black and died.

Then I had to go to the bathroom from all of these obligatory coffees. I wait in line. Finally get in there and the bathroom at this starbucks had no toilet paper. None. No paper towels or paper products of any kind. Back to the first starbucks I went, this time just for the bathroom.

Finally, I tried my hand at yet a third starbucks. This one had an outlet, wirless that worked, a seat and a bathroom that appeared okay. However, they had locked the bathroom. A small problem, but one I could deal with. I did as much work as I could before they closed at 11pm. Then I walked home at lightning speed and prayed the bathroom would be free, after two or there of these drinks.

Today I decided to go for a more “sure thing” and went to the New York Public Library. The big one with the lions and stairs out front and tourists taking pictures of themselves. I took the F train to 42nd street and walked over the 5th avenue right by Bryant Park. I’m awed by the gorgeous building, and the guard says the reading room has wireless. Thank god! Free wireless. The government and big old buildings are wonderful, terrific things.

I go into the beautiful reading room with the wooden tables with golden lamps on them and notice a sign that says “no outlets in this room, only wireless. Go to reading room 315 for outlets.”

I find the elevator, go up to 315. I walk into a much bigger, enormous reading room this time. Outlets galore! Outlets right there built into the wooden tables that stretch back as far as the eye can see. Hundreds of new Yorkers all enjoying the free outlets! Hooray for electricity. I plug in my near-dead laptop and it starts charging.

However, the wirless does not work. I ask a guard walking by, “yeah there’s no wireless in this room, only outlets. You need to go to the other reading room for wireless.”

Behind me is an equally large, third reading room also with outlets stretching back as far as the eye can see and equally beautiful golden lamps, a high ceiling covered in an anxient-looking mural with clouds on it and enormous lighted chandeliers hanging down from the celing. It reminds me of something Da Vincci would do.

I sit down at one of the few empty seats, and unpack my laptop yet again. I start to turn it on and notice a sign “no laptop docking at this table.” So I move to another table with no signs, apparent outlets, and the promise of free wireless.

I settle into my final seat, with thoughts of wireless internet dancing in my head. The outlet works. I have luckily found an empty chair. But unluckily, the wireless does not work.

I ask another guard, who says that no, there is no wireless here after all. He directs me to the first reading room. “They don’t have outlets” I say. He says to go the second floor.

I try the second floor and find a middle eastern reading section that does have wireless, and no outlets. So hopefully my two shreds of power on my laptop will not die. I guess I can run between the outlet-friendly top floor and charge up, and then lug it back down to the ground floor reading room with wireless. This is retarded.

Computers all around me appear to be online, and mine seems to be the only one in the building not connected. I only have an hour until the new york public library closes at 5pm, and then its back on the streets, looking for yet another Starbucks to begin the process all over again.

So I quickly googled a Starbucks before my computer screen turned to black yet again. Wrote it down and went there.

I get a big thing of tea. There are no seats. None. Even the window sills are occupied by people pre-stalking seats. The line stretches back across the coffee place, almost touching the door. This is serious competition for seating. And I spot maybe 3 or 4 outlets. One by a homeless woman who looks like she won't be budging for a while. I give up and just use the restroom, which takes about 20 mintues because some little asian girl was likely giving herself a make-over in there. I bitched about it with some random New Yorker woman who said she usually just starts banging on the door and doesn't stop until they come out, because homeless people sometimes take naps in there.

So I wander the blocks and end up close to Times Square. I go into another Starbucks, still carrying my mostly full drink. But this one also has no free seats and clumps of seat stalkers already in place, with twenty or so people in line who will all need seats. Not worth it! I run in the Gap in the hopes that after rush hour it will lighten up.

Go back to the second more promising looking Starbucks. Still no seats.

So, after all of this I give up and go home.

Starbucks is lame.

Sunsets

When I took this picture while hiking in Tucson a few weeks before I left, I remember thinking it was really boring to take a picture of this, but that I should take it because there was a chance I might miss everyday things. And I was right.

I didn't miss it until last night. I was obsessed with cabs and buildings and boots and walking fast. But now I remember mountains and sitting on rocks. I really want to climb Squaw Peak sometimes, and forget it isn't 10 minutes away. A bit farther now.

There are some days when everything is amusing.

Today is one of those days. I think "Ah, I have nothing to write about." And then strangers walk up and give me plenty to say.

First of all, I love winter. I never knew it, but I can't get enough of the cold weather. I'm a bit sad when people tell me there are only a few weeks left, because I haven't even gotten to use my new snowboots yet. And I also don't have any spring clothes yet.

Second, my mom mailed me my Phoenix swimming suit. Yeah. Obviously, I didn't bring it with me for winter in NYC. But some of the apartments here have indoor swimming pools and my friend has one. Soooo weird. Of course, there is no way to get any sun, so that might be a bit scary.

I had waaay too much caffeine today. I have been working for thirteen hours, but it's one of those days I don't feel like it's work. I'm just writing stuff, or googling or whatever. That is a good day.

I've decided to not be scared of anything anymore. And the things I am still scared of, to just ignore. Or at the very least, just do despite being terrified. Why not? But we'll see if I change my mind. :)

Starbucks has a Skinny Latte. It reminds me of the Skinny Cow commercials and that makes me laugh. I ordered one because I like how it sounds like it will make me skinny like the cow (sideways) if I drink it.

I have enormous bags under my eyes today and look like crap. Yet, days like this I get hit on. When I actually wear eye-liner and what not I essentially blend into the brick walls. But give me some sleep deprivation and suddenly I'm the cat's meow.

This morning as I was wandering 14th street looking for a post office some guy is like "You're beautiful." My first reaction was to assume he was homeless. He wasn't and looked fairly clean, but I still assume that people are looking for change or have some sort of scam or whatever, so I just kept walking.

Then, I'm sitting here -- and the eye bags have of course increased from working all day -- and as I was typing this, some 20 year old hipster kid came over and his pierced punk friend said his friend liked me. He's like "I think you're beautiful." I said "I'm way too old for you. How old are you?" He said 20. After a brief stint of trying to convince me he liked older women, I finally convinced him and he left. Then he returned and begged me to check his email. I let him because I felt bad rejecting him. He totally used me for my computer! I should have known better.

So there he is leaning over to check his myspace page -- Darren The Psycho (or something like that). He had this comment from his ex's best friend saying that Darlene really loved him and that she knows he beat her, but she beat him back so it's okay. And he's reading this all out loud, as he tries to tell me to not read it. I'm like "It's my computer, uh too bad." Strange. I need to stop being so trusting with hipsters.

Oh gosh. Then some drunk guy sat down and started asking me what I was working on. There must be a bar close by. I was polite for about twenty seconds and then had to ask him to leave about five times and had to point to another table for him to go sit at.

Then he starts talking to a stranger and saying "Oh, you went to the parade? Julie was just asking me about the parade." And he keeps making up all this other stuff that I supposedly said. I hear him saying "Oh and Julie said...blah blah" and they're looking over like its true. Then he's like "Well, I'll leave you two to talk then" and drunken guy leaves me with this other stranger who then comes over and shakes my hand, as if I'm friends with Mr. Drunk Guy. This older laywer guy and I'm laughing now, because this is just ridiculous.

It's not my fault. I've been sitting here for an hour and haven't even started my press release. I have BAGS under my EYES!! I'm old!! I'm wearing a non-cute outfit and fairly ugly boots. Geez. These people must all be drunk.

So, I made a list in my mind of the most fun things I’ve done here so far, because it’s much more fun to make a happy list like that, versus ranting and raving about crappy stuff, right? And there is a lot of good stuff here, I must say.

Most fun stuff so far:

Wandering around central park for the first time after I got here
Meeting random peeps in the hostel
Figuring out how to dine alone those first few weeks without bursting into tears!
Ice skating at Rockefeller center
Going to oodles of really fun bars and lounges in the East Village, Union Square, Soho, Upper West and East Sides, etc – I just wish I had written down the names.
Salsa dancing with my new salsa friend! We’ve gone to four places so far, enough time for me to figure out “on-two.” We won’t rest until we’ve experienced the entire New York salsa scene.

My only fear is in experiencing everything here and becoming bored. But I guess there could be worse things in life.