the dress

The Versace dress was well worth it.

It has a life of it's own, and I'm just along for the ride. ;)

I can never think of good titles.

• My 4-year-NYC-anniversary was about a month ago. I still love the city as much as ever, but I just know it better.
  

• I'm in love with soy chorizo. omg. It's amazing. I can't get enough of it.
  

• The tastiest thing in the world, is to put coconut oil onto popcorn, and sprinkle cinnamon on it -- it tastes like there's sugar in there, but there isn't. And all of those ingredients are super healthy.
  

Silly Reason for Physical Therapy...

I wish I could say I slipped while scaling a mountain, or pulled a muscle while dancing with the NY Ballet company, or something like that. But no.

So about 6 months ago, I wobbled on some high heels -- yes you read that right -- and pulled a whole bunch of things. I ignored it and kept running and working out, etc.

I finally knew I had a problem when I was literally limping to meet my friends, and I had to lean against a cold metal pole outside of a restaurant, because I needed an ice pack.

I finally went to the doctor, and I had bursitis and needed 4-6 weeks of physical therapy. I guess it was much worse than I'd realized, and I could tell when I started doing the exercises -- ouch. Even some of the massage was killing me. I guess I ignore pain pretty easily, until it's right in my face.

The bad thing is I can't run or exercise or do anything (I'm not even suppose to cross my legs or stand w/ one hip out), for a few more weeks! That of course is sooo tough to do!

But I'm already seeing improvement, and I haven't been limpy since I started going. Yes. That's worth it for sure.

Ridiculous Fears...

I'm usually a pretty chill person, however, I started having panic attacks about 5 weeks ago. I forced myself to keep taking the subway for a while, but then realized it was getting worse. So now I'm taking a break from the horrifying subway -- yes, it terrifies me more than just about anything.

I was walking up to my door around 4am one night, and some sketchy guy was standing there, and I was actually a little excited that he might attack me, because I knew I at least had an OPTION to do something about it, such as attack him back or run away -- at least I would have a choice in that -- part of me really wanted to use my fight or flight I think, and was like, "finally!" I think he saw that glint in my eyes, and he actually took a few steps away from me. On the subway, I just have to sit there, as I nearly have a heart attack and hyperventilate.

It sounds ridiculous, and I always imaged a "panic attack" would feel like a more intense nervous feeling, like when you have to give a speech. No. It doesn't feel like that.

It's the same feeling as if you're about to drown, and the water is still rising. You literally feel like you're about to die, and you have one shot left -- except, there is nothing within your power to do. Except sit there. And wait to die.

The last time, my heart started pounding so hard and fast, that I didn't know it was possible for it to do so, as we inched through the subway tunnel, as it came dangerously close to stopping in the dark tunnel -- which is my fear, since I can't get out, even if I wanted to.

I've been scared. It doesn't feel like this. I wouldn't even call it "fear." I'd say it's a word we don't have in our language.

I would rather be, and this is true, on the front lines of some sort of war, than sitting in that subway seat. I think I'd have less of a chance of having a heart attack.

Elevators also are starting to really freak me out, especially the prospect that it will stop and not open. Also, cabs when they stop in traffic, and cabs in tunnels. And windowless rooms, such as a doctors office with the door closed.

It sounds silly, but I know it's just an overflow of stress. I'm working on it, and I know it will go away soon.

I would never let something like this keep me from living in the greatest city in the world, and

I just read this in an article, and thought it was great:

"All the places where you’ve shattered can now reflect light and colour where there was none. Now is the time to become something new, to choose a new whole."

Random and uninteresting events

So I was walking into the subway (a line that is farther from my apmt), so I'm running late to meet my friends. And I'm hurrying to the escalator, and I know I have about 60 seconds before the train arrives at the bottom of this escalator.

And there's this lady with crutches and a child. They're standing in front, blocking the whole escalator, for about 40 seconds. She apologizes, and I run down the escalator, but I hear the train and realize it's gone.

So now, having to wait for the next train, I'm going to be like 30-40 minutes late instead of 10.

I'm bummed about this and walking past the huge crowd who just got off of the train, and this random older black man takes his bunched up newspaper and jabs me in the nose with it. Not that hard, but very intentionally. He must have been crazy. I felt like he hated me and he didn't even know me. The shock of it almost made me cry, and I hid behind the subway pole for a second. But then I remembered it's just random stuff.

But then this band started playing right behind me (this is what I love about NYC, there's always a saxophone player or random band to illustrate how you feel at any given moment, which makes everything very movie-like) -- and they were really good -- sometimes I feel things like that are meant to be. It was this older black guy and he sang this song, and it actually sounded better than the original, if that's possible. I've never seen someone get so many tips.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEu8DrO9PbY

And then he sang this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmGQ5SlazJA&feature=related

And then we all had a really nice time at dinner, and it was a cute restaurant. We all got wine and desserts. I love things like that about NYC.

I decided recently to take some classes for fun. I used to do a lot of acting in high school, so I thought that might be fun. But the acting classes in NYC are very expensive -- like $300-$400 dollars and up! So instead I started responding to random craigslist ads for actors (mostly student films etc.)

I ended up being "cast" in this promo video for a company that has classes. So I got to take a wine and painting class for free w/ a group of fake actor friends. I got to keep the painting too, which was awesome. I haven't seen the finished video yet, so I'm not sure if I'm in it. But that'd be fun if I was. All the other girls were full time actors, so I was pretty happy they chose me.

And then I "read" for a short film some random guy was doing, so I met him and this actor guy in the Union Square park and just read some of the script. I think he may have chosen me, but he wasn't that clear.

During the reading we're sitting in this cute little area with tables and chair surrounded by park, with the yellow fall leaves, and there was a squirrel running around us the whole time, as I'm yelling at some actor (who was a -- a bit surreal.

On the way to go to the park, I stopped in Starbucks for a tea. I was ordering when a kooky girl at the next cash register suddenly dropped her entire Venti hot coffee (on the floor, and on my leg), and this line of like 20 people started laughing. I stood there in shock for a second, and asked myself two questions: "Do I still have skin? Yes. Didn't really burn." And "Did it stain? No." Since I had black tights, it didn't. So then I was like "eh.."

The guy behind the register gave me this huge wad of paper towels, one of which was wet, which I thought was very considerate. So I said I was going to put the extra ones on the spill. He was like "OhI don't care about the spill. I just care about you." I was kind of shocked thinking, "Wow you care about me? But I'm some total stranger?" Wow those Starbucks people are nice. Sometimes when you're going through a hard time, you need to hear nice things from total strangers.

Such as one day,which was a very hard day, I went to the dentist, and the ladies at the reception desk were unusually nice, complimenting my nail polish and saying I carried myself well, and it really made me feel better.

The people in the next apartment over are always smoking pot...it comes through the wall. They seem really unhappy to me. Last night he was yelling "Oh, so you think I'm sexist!!" And the rude way he was saying it, I think he probably was. I think he's cheating on her, because I've seen two other girls go in there giggling. I'm just lucky to not be in a situation like that!!

I lost my voice for over a week, and it keeps seeming like it's getting better -- so I go out -- only to get worse. Last night it started to feel like my lungs felt all strange, so I started worrying. But I luckily had antibiotics from last year that I never took (when I had a bad cough for a month that wouldn't go away -- and then it went away the day after I picked up the prescription, so I didn't take it). So I started taking that, and I think it's helping.

It's fall, which is a nice season.

Spring

Just when everything things gray, raining, and like it will forever be gray and raining...then comes a bright sunny spring day!

NO COAT NEEDED.

The first time that happens each year is really an amazing day. It feels like you're going outside without shoes. You feel so strange without layers and layers of clothing and coats.

The little dogs are out. Sometimes, the dogs meet each other and sniff. And then babies stop (well, their parents do), to look at the dogs. It's just really cute.

And there are all the new spring outfits. Bright-colored heels with skinny jeans -- no idea how anyone walks in that, but it looks nice.

Why do we not capitalize the seasons? I think we should, for Spring, anyway. It deserves a capital letter.

It's just a nice reminder that no matter how long things look dull and gray, there is always a moment where everything glows bright. The building that were covered in shadows, now look bright and clean, windows reflecting.

Okay, enough of that. But yeah, I do LOVE spring.

And happy EASTER everyone!

Oh, and while I was sitting here at the Starbucks, this adorable little blonde boy comes over. He asks if I'm drinking coffee, whether I like coffee, and whether I like the computer. Just adorable. Then he says to his dad "She's nice!!" (who ignores him and doesn't notice he's talking -- poor kid) and leaves with his chocolate milk. So cute! :)

Interesting

Went to a Chinese restaurant with hubby and his dad. They eat some interesting foods.

I stuck w/ tofu, but they nicely ordered some fish also. They also got duck, but it's never been my favorite.

I'm not much of a fish person, but thought I'd be open-minded. I like it more than duck anyway.

The fish arrived whole, head and tail on. You hack away at the skin and then pull out the thin bones.

Here is a photo of a similar snapper, though this one was breaded:

His dad then crunched away at the tail, which apparently is just the same as a potato chip. And then he ate the head and saving the best for last, the eye.

I like tofu, so I ate more of that. I was told it had a topping of pieces of garlic. After eating it, it was topped with whole mini shrimp with eyes (each one about 1/2 inch in length, eyes included).

Here is a photo:

I then thought I'd spotted a squished dead fly in between layers of the tofu, but it turned out to of course be a mini fish head (about the same size as the whole shrimp) -- and kinda the same color as a fly. But yes, it was quite clearly a fish's head, about the size of a pencil eraser.

Mini fish heads and mini shrimp. Interesting experience.

I guess I just don't think much about the things I eat in their whole form. This has got me thinking. I'm wondering about vegetarianism now.

Things I still love about NYC

I still LOVE NYC even after several years.

It's been cold still, but today there is this gorgeous sun outside. The way it hits the buildings reminds me that anything is possible. I had a dream last night that I moved somewhere that was far from the city, and I couldn't just walk home, and it was more of a nightmere!

There are lots of little white fluffy dogs outside, one is wearing tiny blue shoes, and its looks like its prancing. Very cute.

I don't understand when there is even a speck of sun, people kid themselves that it's summer. I just saw a girl in flip flops and a thin fake leather jacket. It's 50 degrees outside. flip. flops. I was chilly in my wool coat, sweater, scarf and boots!

I'm now watching a guy pull a cart from our building with a giant futon thing on it.
I'm still enjoying living downtown because it's cleaner than the LES or EV and it's pretty comfortable.

E has been really busy lately with two internships, his full time job and 2 mba classes...which is cool he's so motivated! But I've been sick lately (gotta kick this cold finally), so I've been getting bored in the evenings/weekends. Hobby suggestions anyone? Once I'm 100 percent I'll hopefully get back into salsa dancing and soccer.

Sidewalks...

A few of my pet peeves include slow sidewalk walkers, and just inconsiderate space-taker-upers in general. In a place like NYC you really do have to be considerate, since it's not a sidewalk as much as it is a highway. And you don't sit down to have a picnic on a highway.

Lately I've noticed a few older women who insist on wearing really high heels. They already can barely walk. This reduces their speed even more, and odds are, they will also have 2-4 shopping bags or giant tote bags hanging off their left arm, making them impossible to pass. Then, they also tend to weave from side-to-side. Please, if you walk very slow already, don't go with the 3-inch heels! Please. And that's really for all age groups. Slow traffic to the right...please!!

End vent.