The city in the summertime...

When I was in high school, I had the lead in a play set in New York. Sometimes I wonder if that leaked into my subconscious and made me want to move here. If so, that's just fine with me.

In that play, "You Can't Take it With You," I played Alice, who was a secretary at a Wall St. office, who falls in love with the boss's son. The families don't get along, since hers are poor free spirits who don't pay taxes, and his are uptight wall st. rich people.

Sometimes lines from plays still pop into my mind, wow, 13 years later. Lines like "I think I'll stay. I really like the city in the summertime."

And I do. It's like an entirely different city. I feel like I go on vacation each time the season's change, and I guess I'm not stressed by the energy of the city. So I don't feel the need to leave like everyone else does. When I leave, I can't wait to get back.

This is convenient, as I still fear the subway and other forms of transportation with an intense passion.

I've gotta cure these panic attacks though, or I'll miss out on the hamptons. And I haven't been back to Arizona in a year and a half. :(...

I drove upstate recently in a friend's convertible -- which was GREAT to see things like trees and grass, which I forget exist -- and we tried to take a tour. We had brunch at a castle, and played on a giant chess set.

But on the shuttle bus, I freaked out before the doors closed. All I could think was, "This freakin doors are about to close! And once they close, I can't get off!! I'll be trapped here for who knows how long. What if we have to wait a long time to leave, and we're just sitting here with the doors closed?" So next thing I knew, I was a block away walking quickly away from that dreaded shuttle bus! Who knew something so non-threatening would freak me out?

LUCKILY I'm okay with cars. For some reason it doesn't bother me. I guess I know, in a pinch, I could open the door and roll out. I can play w/ the window and open it or close it. I feel some sense of control here.

Shuttle bus? I can't do nuthin'.

Still it was nice to get out of the city -- to contradict my earlier statement -- for a day at least. It was nice to be in a car too. They're so different from cabs. No one is yelling at you, or when you say 14th and first, they yell back "14 and 1??" as if they are somehow insulted. And when ask to take the highway, they say "What?!! You don't think I know how to drive!! What is your problem??!! I of course was going to take the highway!!"Cabbies are emotional people, and they vent a lot.

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I was at the doctor this morning, and there was a pregnant lady who started talking to me. "Are you pregnant too?" She asked. "Oh no!" I laughed. "No, no...I'm single." I said. "Oh, I'm single too!" she excitedly said. "I had invitro, and it worked the first time!" I was shocked. "I can always meet a guy later. They won't care there's a baby."

I was very nice and said congratulations, but all I could think was, "Is this my future?" and "Wow I'd better date more. I'd better date the whole freakin' city." I started having visions of back-to-back-to-back dates. Or perhaps having a group meet me for coffee. A group of like 40 people. So I could determine personality type, sign, attraction, intelligence, values, and my other 50 billion things. And then I could date them all seriously for 6-10 months, in which case we'd get the usual endings. For all but maybe 1 or 2. And then I'd marry one of them.

But is that realistic? No. It's not. Because most guys just won't agree to be one of 40 people who are going to meet for coffee. People want to feel special. If it wasn't for that, I could seriously save a LOT of freaking time, and maybe still have kids without having to spend $100,000 or ship in a child from a foreign country (which really isn't a bad option if it comes to that).

Guess I better start saving up just in case. She did say it's good that the kid is 100% yours in case you ever get divorced you get all of the custody. Not a bad point.

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My trainer left the gym, so now I have to try harder not to get fat.

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