Monday, September 2, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
What's new...Roaches and Date Extravaganzas.
So it's basically spring, but not really. When it's still 45 with cold wind in your face, and there are black puffy down jackets all around, it's not really spring -- except for the girls wearing yellow pants or Keds with no socks something like that, which just seems odd when it's so cold.
I've been all-around-lucky at avoiding bugs and rats throughout most of my 5-year-stay in NYC, but not so much in the past week. First I found a gigantic roach running across the floor during -- what would have otherwise been -- a relaxing bubble bath. I managed to catch it under a glass and put something on top so it wouldn't get away.
But then, what to do with it? Ah, I was in a rush, so left it there, hoping it might die on its own?
Then I went on another date, which I do way too often. And left the roach behind, happy it was at least trapped.
The last few months, it seems I'm constantly on a date. I don't know how it ended up that way. But I realized I've basically been dating (and drinking) non-stop, which is bad for my health, so I'm really trying to cut back. I definitely became a bit dehydrated.
But anyway, that night I was on a first date w/ this kind of awkward guy who was a bit too uptight for me, but he was very polite and kept complimenting me, which was nice. He travels constantly for work, but said he'd give it up because he's wanting to settle down STAT. (A recent trend, as we'll get to).
We had a nice dinner of very tasty pasta, a bit too much wine, and then a few too many shots. I decided to give him a lesson in loosening up, so I asked him if he would tie his tie around his head, and we popped his collar. It really helped. Then we got some wings, and I told him to eat the dip just w/ his hands. He really enjoyed this, as I think he's spent way too much time in London, and needed a good shaking up. So then I confessed my roach problem, which I thought was appropriate, as he had a tie wrapped around his head at that moment -- so really, could he judge me? And he agreed to come back to throw it out my window. We took some coasters from the bar, which were the perfect thickness for sliding under the glass. Apparently roaches live for months, so it was a good thing he threw it out. I was thankful. And then I sent him home. Nice enough guy, but I really didn't understand his sense of humor, and he's very religious and I'm not. I think he told me I'm going to pergatory? I don't even know how to spell that word, and I'm too lazy to look it up. Sort of like how I feel about religion.
I should really be thankful for the dates though. Though of course I really would prefer to just meet the right guy already! Honestly it gets tiring, even when the dates are wonderfully planned.
Right before him, there were two guys, who were also on the "marriage track" and started mentioning it from the first date, which I guess is a flag. I mean, do they not care about the person? One guy wanted me to life coach him on the first date, which I found frustrating -- they always want it for free. But I asked him one question, which he pondered, and gave me crap answers. So I pushed him, until he had a little breakthrough, which he called a "life changing moment," and I told him that should be worth the price of the Scotch. But then we had 3 Scotches. Then we went to dinner, where I successfully ate my first raw oyster or clam or whatever it was -- in the past I'd always choke on it when I wrongly tried to chew, ending up with a mouth full of sand. Gross. And I think there was some salmon or something. Then he insists, that despite being in the Upper East Side, that we cab it down to Meatpacking (on a school night btw), to go dancing. So we do. We dance at one of the popular places there, and he says I'm basically checking off all of his little marriage boxes, in so many words. Still, it was a "date extravaganza." 3 locations for a first date? I was very impressed.
And so it continued with him. 3 locations for each date.
Then there was another guy. Who, I'm not sure if he was seeing me checking-in on facebook or what, but decided to also up the anti and create his own "date extravaganza." We just met for a drink on the first date, but then he quickly upped that to several drinks and shots, and then drinks at another place, and then dinner, and then he drove me home -- which thinking back...I guess he had a crazy tolerance? But he was a gentleman. I wasn't sure if we hit it off or not though.
So then back to the other one. For the second date, he said it would be a surprise, and to wait on my corner. And a cab would pick me up. He said to wear comfortable shoes. I could help feel terrified that he planned to kill me and wanted the comfy shoes so I'd present more of a challenge? Like that book with the guy who hunts the other guy on an island for sport? But I also REALLY like surprises, so I decided to give it a shot.
He picks me up in this cab, and we drive from the Upper East, to the west side, down the West Side Highway, all the way downtown. I ask if the date is doing a giant loop around the city -- um, one pricy cab fair in rush hour traffic, that's for sure! But we end up at Chelsea Piers, for some driving range golf, which was an interesting idea. He's a cute guy and my best personality type, so I was pretty comfortable around him. So he teaches me some golf, and he's impressed with my athletic ability, and says he wants his kids to be good at sports, so I check this box as well. Great? Um, hmm, kinda weird. So then we go to dinner, at a second location (despite there being restaurants there), in Hell's Kitchen (so a 2nd cab), and then we get drinks at another place (another cab). And then he drops me off in, a 4th cab. Definitely another "date extravaganza."
Then, that weekend, we were going to go ice skating, so we walked over to Central Park, where I admitted I was a bit hungover and sleepy, and he admitted he despised ice skating. So instead we just sat there drinking coffee which was nice, and then he suggested a quick dinner. The "quick dinner" was at a $$$$ restaurant in the Time Warner Center that lasted for 3 hours, and I was in this really casual dress. Not at all prepared for the full tasting menu and bottle of wine thing, but I tried to go with it. We seemed to get along fine, but I kinda felt uncomfortable. Everyone else was fairly dressed up. Then we went to my place and watched some old movies, which was fun, and he was a gentleman. He kept pushing me though, asking if I'd ever take my online profile down, etc., and I kinda clammed up. There were certain things about him that started to bother me. Like he blew in my face to show me his "minty fresh breath." Who does that? And sometimes I'd have to repeat something 3 times before he understood what I meant. He was 35.
Now in between all this, there was an Investment Bankers who seemed horrified at my artsy nature, and despite ordering several pitchers of Sangria after dinner, and staying out past 2, and admitting he was a "serial monogomist" who was having a hard time being single, yet terrified he'd miss out on his newly-found hobby of softball if he ever got into a relationship again, didn't text me. Which I think was just fine.
And there was a guy who just was boring. And probably some others I'm forgetting. Oh yes, a school teacher who was nice enough but lives over an hour away and would never want to live in the city, and so on.
So then, the other guy, perhaps seeing my check-in on facebook at the fancy restaurant, again steps it up with a themed restaurant downtown. I read online that you enter through a mysterious elevator, walk through a dark winding scary passage-way, and then ninja people jump out and scare you, and you eat in a cave-like setting or little rooms -- um, NIGHTMARE for a claustrophobic panic person like me, no? I was a bit terrified, but went anyway, not wanting to miss out on another DATE EXTRAVAGANZA. I really like that phrase, if you haven't noticed?
While I was feeling a bit sick at first (maybe from the long cab ride downtown?), but it luckily went away. I survived, and ended up in the cave area, with disneyland type ninjas jumping out and saying "hi ya!" and lighting all of the food on fire. I felt silly for being scared when I saw all of the 8-year-olds with their families! It was entertaining, and after a lot of sake, I forgot all about the cave setting and my panic attacks, yay!
Part 2? Because as you've noticed, it's not an extravaganza unless it has 3 parts...his surprise (in addition to the Ninja-themed restaurant), was taking me to a pre-paid Tarot Card reader for an hour in the village. That was super fun, yet super awkward, as I didn't want to ask about my love life, and I didn't want her to tell us our compatibility, because I already knew what the answer would be.
I knew she'd say that he's meant to stay in Brooklyn in his little cocoon of where he's from (self-admitted mama's boy), and I'm meant to stay in the city. And we both could use a partner who is better at math than we are. I KNEW that's what she'd say, so I awkwardly declined the dual reading. I also knew he wanted the reading to confirm or deny if I was "wife material" as this dude also was on the marriage track, despite being 28.
In her reading, she did tell me that I'm meant to stay in the city, in the West Village. Not a huge surprise. And she said I would never, ever, fit in in Brooklyn. Also not a surprise. So that pretty much doomed any hint of a budding relationship there.
Then more drinks for part 3.
Then the other guy picked me up in a cab and we went to this fantastic club night at a place where you have to be a member. They had confetti falling from the ceiling, a DJ, and gave out plastic sunglasses and beads. I felt like I was in college which was nice. They also took our photos behind this backdrop thing. We danced, and it was fun. But he seemed distant, and kept saying his work was about to get horrible. Which it did.
He never sent me the photos, because he didn't text me back, ever, despite like a month of going out. But maybe he could tell I wasn't on the marriage track? Still it was strange to not even get a goodbye. He just texted a couple times saying work would be crazy for a month. I took that as the clue, and eventually removed him from my facebook, which wasn't so horrible, because I was wearing my big girl pants. But no one likes endings of course.
Then the other guy texted me when I was out for a birthday party. I had wanted to go dancing w/ these friends, but he really wanted me to meet his friends, so I went. He picked me up, and I saw what Brooklyn is really like in the city. They have cars and drive around, and I was just confused. They cross the street differently. His friends weren't used to meeting new people, so came off as rude, but they're all friends from years ago, and they don't go to networking events and happy hours with strangers constantly, so it was a skill they didn't have.
We got a dinner, and then ended up, sadly, at a horrible techno club, and I hate techno. The girl was wearing sneakers. Everyone was 25. I was out of my element and completely confused. "No, the dance to techno is more hoppy," she said, as if I have any interest in getting it "right?" Then he said he thought the Brookyn folk were warming up to me, again, as if I cared? I was more concerned w/ if I liked them than the reverse.
He was a gentleman, but I let him sleep on my couch due to him being tipsy, and not wanting him to crash his car on the drive back to BK. The next day we went to get brunch and discovered that his car was gone. He hadn't moved it for the reverse-whatever-its-called thing where you need to park across the street for the street sweeper. He'd gone out to buy a toothbrush and discovered this. He tried to buzz back into my building, but as an inexperienced city person, he buzzed the wrong building. Got a girl who sounded like me.
"Who is it?" she said.
"It's me!"
"Who?"
"(His name) Come on! My car got towed! Just let me in already."
She laughs
"Seriously it's not funny! Let me in!"
"You have the wrong apartment."
"No come on! I know it's #9. Like love potion #9! Let me in!"
Eventually she stopped responding, and he called, and discovered he'd had a lengthy, and hilarious, conversation with a total stranger. This is what happens when you're from different worlds. He'd seriously never used a buzzer before. Not that he couldn't learn, but does he really want to? When he wants to buy a house in BK and never leave?
We had a nice brunch, and then he had to jet to locate his now towed car. I knew it spelled doom, as he would blame "the evil city" for his car being MIA.
(Sorry this post is so long by the way...I have a lot to say it seems).
Then I walked over to the park, on a lovely sunny day, and met this really fashionable guy who speaks 4 languages. But it was a "coffee" date, which meant he spent $2 for 2 hours of my time. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that, except it can indicate a wishy-washy nature about dating (or about me), and he admitted he doesn't have a clue which country he wants to live in, because he's too good at adapting, and he hasn't had a GF for forever. But wow he had amazing taste in shoes, and one of those sportcoats with the little patches on the elbows. Wow. He was very down on himself about his French not being flawless, but it sounded pretty good to me.
Maybe it was because I was so dehydrated, or because I hadn't brushed my hair, or maybe I was rambling too much, but he didn't text me back, despite my love for those little elbow pads on that jacket which were so cool.
That night I heard a rustling. OH GOD. Is it another roach?? I was too exhausted to go out that night, despite it being a Saturday, so I tried to sleep (unsuccessfully) and I kept yelling "go away!" whenever I heard the noise. I kept the light on. Eventually it stopped.
I got kinda sick. I had to bail on a meeting I had really wanted to go to. Bummer. Slept all day. By evening I felt good enough to go out with another guy. On Easter Sunday, here I am going on a date. I wish I could say it's unusual for me to have ever gone out with a stranger on a holiday, but it's actually not.
Cabbed it downtown to a nice romantic little bar. Very cute guy. This could go okay, I thought. He already had a drink. I ordered mine. He. Did. Not. Take. Out. His. Wallet. I was in utter shock. The only reason I could think to explain it, was he just didn't find me pretty, and saw no reason to waste $12 or indicate any false interest. So I again, put on those big girl pants, and I paid. Then I couldn't get past it, because if he just wanted me to leave, I wished he'd tell me, instead of pretending to have a conversation. I was barely listening, and wondering if I should just get up and leave? I didn't want his pity if he wasn't interested, I'd just go.
So finally, I just said it. I told him I could just go, or he could apologize for not buying the drink. After some long silences, he finally said sorry, and that he'd make it up with more drinks. Which he did. And he'd brought peeps, which we put onto the drinks.
We stayed there until 2am and had a nice conversation about art and music and things like entrepreneurship. I told him he had nice hair, and he clammed up, and said he hated compliments. I hated that he'd make things so awkward with that weird game he'd played with the drinks,but I couldn't help but like his hair. He put his arm around me when we walked out, but then a cab appeared and he offered it to me, so no chance for a kiss.
I didn't think he'd text, but he did. To invite me to a free event (where he wanted to purchase some things for his apartment). Which honestly was disappointing, as it wasn't really even a date. None of my friends could tell if he was a jerk or not, so I decided to go on the off chance. Though I suspect he's a player because he knows he's good looking and he's 28 and not on the marriage track.
Then I saw tie-around-his-head guy, who'd just flown back into the city -- crazy work schedule as I mentioned. He was jet lagged and not making much sense. And despite dinner being lovely, I could tell we just weren't at all on the same wave length. And him going on and on about "wanting a wife and kids, now," was just creepy, again. He was likeable, but just not for me. And my mom had accidentally friended him on facebook, so he thought he had my families approval or something. I felt bad disappointing him.
The next day, I was in the kitchen when the dreaded roach APPEARED! On the wall right in front of my face. I grabbed a glass that happened to be right on the counter and pushed it onto the wall, trapping him, all in a blur. But then, what would I use as cardboard? I couldn't walk away without losing him! Luckily the other cardboard coaster was still in the kitchen drawer, so I slid it under, forced myself to be calm, and carried it to the window, slid the window open, and launched that roach as far away from me as I could. Poor guy made an arc through the air on his way to landing in the lovely courtyard of trees below. I actually felt a bit bad for him. Threw away the glass, because I've heard bugs lay eggs when scared, as I last resort to leave a legacy of baby bugs behind.
I'm suppose to get brunch with some new one this weekend, and I guess I'll go to that free apartment-furnishing event with the player just because I like his hair. Told the tie-around-his-head one that I don't think it'll work out, and he's on a plane right now anyway. And didn't hear back from either of the date extravaganza ones.
I'm going to take more hip hop classes, and figure out where I want my career to go next. And eating more vegetables. I really need to do that.
I've been all-around-lucky at avoiding bugs and rats throughout most of my 5-year-stay in NYC, but not so much in the past week. First I found a gigantic roach running across the floor during -- what would have otherwise been -- a relaxing bubble bath. I managed to catch it under a glass and put something on top so it wouldn't get away.
But then, what to do with it? Ah, I was in a rush, so left it there, hoping it might die on its own?
Then I went on another date, which I do way too often. And left the roach behind, happy it was at least trapped.
The last few months, it seems I'm constantly on a date. I don't know how it ended up that way. But I realized I've basically been dating (and drinking) non-stop, which is bad for my health, so I'm really trying to cut back. I definitely became a bit dehydrated.
But anyway, that night I was on a first date w/ this kind of awkward guy who was a bit too uptight for me, but he was very polite and kept complimenting me, which was nice. He travels constantly for work, but said he'd give it up because he's wanting to settle down STAT. (A recent trend, as we'll get to).
We had a nice dinner of very tasty pasta, a bit too much wine, and then a few too many shots. I decided to give him a lesson in loosening up, so I asked him if he would tie his tie around his head, and we popped his collar. It really helped. Then we got some wings, and I told him to eat the dip just w/ his hands. He really enjoyed this, as I think he's spent way too much time in London, and needed a good shaking up. So then I confessed my roach problem, which I thought was appropriate, as he had a tie wrapped around his head at that moment -- so really, could he judge me? And he agreed to come back to throw it out my window. We took some coasters from the bar, which were the perfect thickness for sliding under the glass. Apparently roaches live for months, so it was a good thing he threw it out. I was thankful. And then I sent him home. Nice enough guy, but I really didn't understand his sense of humor, and he's very religious and I'm not. I think he told me I'm going to pergatory? I don't even know how to spell that word, and I'm too lazy to look it up. Sort of like how I feel about religion.
I should really be thankful for the dates though. Though of course I really would prefer to just meet the right guy already! Honestly it gets tiring, even when the dates are wonderfully planned.
Right before him, there were two guys, who were also on the "marriage track" and started mentioning it from the first date, which I guess is a flag. I mean, do they not care about the person? One guy wanted me to life coach him on the first date, which I found frustrating -- they always want it for free. But I asked him one question, which he pondered, and gave me crap answers. So I pushed him, until he had a little breakthrough, which he called a "life changing moment," and I told him that should be worth the price of the Scotch. But then we had 3 Scotches. Then we went to dinner, where I successfully ate my first raw oyster or clam or whatever it was -- in the past I'd always choke on it when I wrongly tried to chew, ending up with a mouth full of sand. Gross. And I think there was some salmon or something. Then he insists, that despite being in the Upper East Side, that we cab it down to Meatpacking (on a school night btw), to go dancing. So we do. We dance at one of the popular places there, and he says I'm basically checking off all of his little marriage boxes, in so many words. Still, it was a "date extravaganza." 3 locations for a first date? I was very impressed.
And so it continued with him. 3 locations for each date.
Then there was another guy. Who, I'm not sure if he was seeing me checking-in on facebook or what, but decided to also up the anti and create his own "date extravaganza." We just met for a drink on the first date, but then he quickly upped that to several drinks and shots, and then drinks at another place, and then dinner, and then he drove me home -- which thinking back...I guess he had a crazy tolerance? But he was a gentleman. I wasn't sure if we hit it off or not though.
So then back to the other one. For the second date, he said it would be a surprise, and to wait on my corner. And a cab would pick me up. He said to wear comfortable shoes. I could help feel terrified that he planned to kill me and wanted the comfy shoes so I'd present more of a challenge? Like that book with the guy who hunts the other guy on an island for sport? But I also REALLY like surprises, so I decided to give it a shot.
He picks me up in this cab, and we drive from the Upper East, to the west side, down the West Side Highway, all the way downtown. I ask if the date is doing a giant loop around the city -- um, one pricy cab fair in rush hour traffic, that's for sure! But we end up at Chelsea Piers, for some driving range golf, which was an interesting idea. He's a cute guy and my best personality type, so I was pretty comfortable around him. So he teaches me some golf, and he's impressed with my athletic ability, and says he wants his kids to be good at sports, so I check this box as well. Great? Um, hmm, kinda weird. So then we go to dinner, at a second location (despite there being restaurants there), in Hell's Kitchen (so a 2nd cab), and then we get drinks at another place (another cab). And then he drops me off in, a 4th cab. Definitely another "date extravaganza."
Then, that weekend, we were going to go ice skating, so we walked over to Central Park, where I admitted I was a bit hungover and sleepy, and he admitted he despised ice skating. So instead we just sat there drinking coffee which was nice, and then he suggested a quick dinner. The "quick dinner" was at a $$$$ restaurant in the Time Warner Center that lasted for 3 hours, and I was in this really casual dress. Not at all prepared for the full tasting menu and bottle of wine thing, but I tried to go with it. We seemed to get along fine, but I kinda felt uncomfortable. Everyone else was fairly dressed up. Then we went to my place and watched some old movies, which was fun, and he was a gentleman. He kept pushing me though, asking if I'd ever take my online profile down, etc., and I kinda clammed up. There were certain things about him that started to bother me. Like he blew in my face to show me his "minty fresh breath." Who does that? And sometimes I'd have to repeat something 3 times before he understood what I meant. He was 35.
Now in between all this, there was an Investment Bankers who seemed horrified at my artsy nature, and despite ordering several pitchers of Sangria after dinner, and staying out past 2, and admitting he was a "serial monogomist" who was having a hard time being single, yet terrified he'd miss out on his newly-found hobby of softball if he ever got into a relationship again, didn't text me. Which I think was just fine.
And there was a guy who just was boring. And probably some others I'm forgetting. Oh yes, a school teacher who was nice enough but lives over an hour away and would never want to live in the city, and so on.
So then, the other guy, perhaps seeing my check-in on facebook at the fancy restaurant, again steps it up with a themed restaurant downtown. I read online that you enter through a mysterious elevator, walk through a dark winding scary passage-way, and then ninja people jump out and scare you, and you eat in a cave-like setting or little rooms -- um, NIGHTMARE for a claustrophobic panic person like me, no? I was a bit terrified, but went anyway, not wanting to miss out on another DATE EXTRAVAGANZA. I really like that phrase, if you haven't noticed?
While I was feeling a bit sick at first (maybe from the long cab ride downtown?), but it luckily went away. I survived, and ended up in the cave area, with disneyland type ninjas jumping out and saying "hi ya!" and lighting all of the food on fire. I felt silly for being scared when I saw all of the 8-year-olds with their families! It was entertaining, and after a lot of sake, I forgot all about the cave setting and my panic attacks, yay!
Part 2? Because as you've noticed, it's not an extravaganza unless it has 3 parts...his surprise (in addition to the Ninja-themed restaurant), was taking me to a pre-paid Tarot Card reader for an hour in the village. That was super fun, yet super awkward, as I didn't want to ask about my love life, and I didn't want her to tell us our compatibility, because I already knew what the answer would be.
I knew she'd say that he's meant to stay in Brooklyn in his little cocoon of where he's from (self-admitted mama's boy), and I'm meant to stay in the city. And we both could use a partner who is better at math than we are. I KNEW that's what she'd say, so I awkwardly declined the dual reading. I also knew he wanted the reading to confirm or deny if I was "wife material" as this dude also was on the marriage track, despite being 28.
In her reading, she did tell me that I'm meant to stay in the city, in the West Village. Not a huge surprise. And she said I would never, ever, fit in in Brooklyn. Also not a surprise. So that pretty much doomed any hint of a budding relationship there.
Then more drinks for part 3.
Then the other guy picked me up in a cab and we went to this fantastic club night at a place where you have to be a member. They had confetti falling from the ceiling, a DJ, and gave out plastic sunglasses and beads. I felt like I was in college which was nice. They also took our photos behind this backdrop thing. We danced, and it was fun. But he seemed distant, and kept saying his work was about to get horrible. Which it did.
He never sent me the photos, because he didn't text me back, ever, despite like a month of going out. But maybe he could tell I wasn't on the marriage track? Still it was strange to not even get a goodbye. He just texted a couple times saying work would be crazy for a month. I took that as the clue, and eventually removed him from my facebook, which wasn't so horrible, because I was wearing my big girl pants. But no one likes endings of course.
Then the other guy texted me when I was out for a birthday party. I had wanted to go dancing w/ these friends, but he really wanted me to meet his friends, so I went. He picked me up, and I saw what Brooklyn is really like in the city. They have cars and drive around, and I was just confused. They cross the street differently. His friends weren't used to meeting new people, so came off as rude, but they're all friends from years ago, and they don't go to networking events and happy hours with strangers constantly, so it was a skill they didn't have.
We got a dinner, and then ended up, sadly, at a horrible techno club, and I hate techno. The girl was wearing sneakers. Everyone was 25. I was out of my element and completely confused. "No, the dance to techno is more hoppy," she said, as if I have any interest in getting it "right?" Then he said he thought the Brookyn folk were warming up to me, again, as if I cared? I was more concerned w/ if I liked them than the reverse.
He was a gentleman, but I let him sleep on my couch due to him being tipsy, and not wanting him to crash his car on the drive back to BK. The next day we went to get brunch and discovered that his car was gone. He hadn't moved it for the reverse-whatever-its-called thing where you need to park across the street for the street sweeper. He'd gone out to buy a toothbrush and discovered this. He tried to buzz back into my building, but as an inexperienced city person, he buzzed the wrong building. Got a girl who sounded like me.
"Who is it?" she said.
"It's me!"
"Who?"
"(His name) Come on! My car got towed! Just let me in already."
She laughs
"Seriously it's not funny! Let me in!"
"You have the wrong apartment."
"No come on! I know it's #9. Like love potion #9! Let me in!"
Eventually she stopped responding, and he called, and discovered he'd had a lengthy, and hilarious, conversation with a total stranger. This is what happens when you're from different worlds. He'd seriously never used a buzzer before. Not that he couldn't learn, but does he really want to? When he wants to buy a house in BK and never leave?
We had a nice brunch, and then he had to jet to locate his now towed car. I knew it spelled doom, as he would blame "the evil city" for his car being MIA.
(Sorry this post is so long by the way...I have a lot to say it seems).
Then I walked over to the park, on a lovely sunny day, and met this really fashionable guy who speaks 4 languages. But it was a "coffee" date, which meant he spent $2 for 2 hours of my time. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that, except it can indicate a wishy-washy nature about dating (or about me), and he admitted he doesn't have a clue which country he wants to live in, because he's too good at adapting, and he hasn't had a GF for forever. But wow he had amazing taste in shoes, and one of those sportcoats with the little patches on the elbows. Wow. He was very down on himself about his French not being flawless, but it sounded pretty good to me.
Maybe it was because I was so dehydrated, or because I hadn't brushed my hair, or maybe I was rambling too much, but he didn't text me back, despite my love for those little elbow pads on that jacket which were so cool.
That night I heard a rustling. OH GOD. Is it another roach?? I was too exhausted to go out that night, despite it being a Saturday, so I tried to sleep (unsuccessfully) and I kept yelling "go away!" whenever I heard the noise. I kept the light on. Eventually it stopped.
I got kinda sick. I had to bail on a meeting I had really wanted to go to. Bummer. Slept all day. By evening I felt good enough to go out with another guy. On Easter Sunday, here I am going on a date. I wish I could say it's unusual for me to have ever gone out with a stranger on a holiday, but it's actually not.
Cabbed it downtown to a nice romantic little bar. Very cute guy. This could go okay, I thought. He already had a drink. I ordered mine. He. Did. Not. Take. Out. His. Wallet. I was in utter shock. The only reason I could think to explain it, was he just didn't find me pretty, and saw no reason to waste $12 or indicate any false interest. So I again, put on those big girl pants, and I paid. Then I couldn't get past it, because if he just wanted me to leave, I wished he'd tell me, instead of pretending to have a conversation. I was barely listening, and wondering if I should just get up and leave? I didn't want his pity if he wasn't interested, I'd just go.
So finally, I just said it. I told him I could just go, or he could apologize for not buying the drink. After some long silences, he finally said sorry, and that he'd make it up with more drinks. Which he did. And he'd brought peeps, which we put onto the drinks.
We stayed there until 2am and had a nice conversation about art and music and things like entrepreneurship. I told him he had nice hair, and he clammed up, and said he hated compliments. I hated that he'd make things so awkward with that weird game he'd played with the drinks,but I couldn't help but like his hair. He put his arm around me when we walked out, but then a cab appeared and he offered it to me, so no chance for a kiss.
I didn't think he'd text, but he did. To invite me to a free event (where he wanted to purchase some things for his apartment). Which honestly was disappointing, as it wasn't really even a date. None of my friends could tell if he was a jerk or not, so I decided to go on the off chance. Though I suspect he's a player because he knows he's good looking and he's 28 and not on the marriage track.
Then I saw tie-around-his-head guy, who'd just flown back into the city -- crazy work schedule as I mentioned. He was jet lagged and not making much sense. And despite dinner being lovely, I could tell we just weren't at all on the same wave length. And him going on and on about "wanting a wife and kids, now," was just creepy, again. He was likeable, but just not for me. And my mom had accidentally friended him on facebook, so he thought he had my families approval or something. I felt bad disappointing him.
The next day, I was in the kitchen when the dreaded roach APPEARED! On the wall right in front of my face. I grabbed a glass that happened to be right on the counter and pushed it onto the wall, trapping him, all in a blur. But then, what would I use as cardboard? I couldn't walk away without losing him! Luckily the other cardboard coaster was still in the kitchen drawer, so I slid it under, forced myself to be calm, and carried it to the window, slid the window open, and launched that roach as far away from me as I could. Poor guy made an arc through the air on his way to landing in the lovely courtyard of trees below. I actually felt a bit bad for him. Threw away the glass, because I've heard bugs lay eggs when scared, as I last resort to leave a legacy of baby bugs behind.
I'm suppose to get brunch with some new one this weekend, and I guess I'll go to that free apartment-furnishing event with the player just because I like his hair. Told the tie-around-his-head one that I don't think it'll work out, and he's on a plane right now anyway. And didn't hear back from either of the date extravaganza ones.
I'm going to take more hip hop classes, and figure out where I want my career to go next. And eating more vegetables. I really need to do that.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
New Poem
Ice palace and the golden sun
Sitting in my queen's chair of ice,
legs crossed, my frozen palace,
elegant items and furniture
sculpted from this thick block of freeze.
Cold but it holds me tight,
thick ice walls blur my vision,
into wobbly lines, like peering through
an ice cube.
I can't see beyond these familiar
cold walls.
It holds me so tight like a mother
whispering that it will be all right
as long as I let myself be held.
Ice walls conforming to my body.
So long as I don't break out, things
will be fine, it tells me softly,
"Don't consider the possibility."
As much as I want to run free,
it holds me down like a doctor
pushing down on a wounded soldier
on the battlefield, screaming,
"Do not get up. You are wounded.
You must give up the fight,"
And I try to run off anyway,
to fight towards dreams
that are heavy as gold,
thick as metal, gleaming hot like the sun,
all running through my heart every moment,
as much as I try to stiffle the sound of my dreams
falling down like rain sliding down a window,
every moment I wait and hesitate,
parts of my heart are crying for what could have been.
I want to fight.
But this cold terror is here with me,
reminding me of what I lost. How much. Everything.
And with nothing, at least I have nothing more to lose.
That is something to keep. To hold close.
Nothing is my everything.
And that is my only comforting thought.
My ice walls are my palace, and my four-poster
bed and my stuffed bear, all chiseled from this
frozen crystal. My rooms and plans and hopes,
all frozen solid.
But I still dream of moments
that opened like stage curtains
with giant circular lights blinding
white, pouring possibility onto that stage,
those moments that kill you with their intensity
but you're happy to die, to give into that moment fully.
I remember those moments. Those maybes.
I remember handing my heart over, only to lose it for good.
I had to search for it, for years. and in a dark haunted forest,
I finally found it. And now it's finally mine
again.
I don't want to lose it ever again, so I tie it to my finger
like a leash. Like a balloon on a child's hand.
Never to part
again from my own heart.
And in my cold block of ice, I peer out, and I can see that sun so bright,
and it melts the corners of this cube, but I sit so carefully, waiting.
For something. Anything.
But not really expecting much,
because to see the sun again.
to break through and leave behind my thick ice walls,
I'd be a snail without a shell on a plate of escargot.
And I won't allow myself to be served up like that, not again.
Not when I saw what happened before.
All my trust and those small stiches we held our love together
with, were all pulled out until it was a pile of cut fabric,
and then you burned it right to the ground.
Those flames didn't kill you or hurt you at all.
It was a flicker in your mind, it was a stranger passing you on the street,
it was a piece of junk mail in a thick stack in your mailbox -- it all meant nothing to you.
I meant nothing to you. I did. And I still do.
But you, you meant everything to me. Everything.
I was a burn victim, even part of my skin destroyed.
And so I stand in my ice box, dreaming of sunshine.
Of places where I could run faster than I've ever felt,
with my dreams now carried in my heart,
gleaming like gold,
a spotlight pouring right out of my chest,
and taking my stage curtains with me everywhere,
every moment a beauty. A treasure.
Lived and killed each second,
nothing wasted in contemplation and fear.
That is how it could be.
When I finally see beyond this blurred ice, and the
hot sun melts my fear into water, and I can
reach out to hold my heavy gold dreams
in my arms, forever.
Skin grown back, healed, sun shine making me glow,
golden.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Year in Review
It always makes me laugh when I get those "how our year was" emails or letters. They're nice of course, and I'll probably make my own some day. But I find it interesting how people often leave out all the bad stuff, and only include the good things: "Jimmy is enjoying art class, and our dog is now trained." And they don't include the bad things: "I've been starting antidepressants." etc.
My year in review? For 2012.
*Had panic attacks all year, and took cabs mostly.
*Divorce was final.
*Had a gazillion dates, and several short "relationships" if you can call them that?
*I've never been much of a car person, but I dated two guys w/ convertibles in a row over the summer...(a BMW and Porsche 911 I think?). One of them took me to a castle. The other drove me to Connecticut for dinner. Life could be worse. Strangely, they were both the same personality type, INTJ. Which isn't a bad type for me really, but neither were the right match for me long-term. I think I really like cars now.
*Was invited to speak at a pretty awesome college. It was the biggest kind of speech I've done, and they said it was a "home run!" That was seriously an amazing experience.
*Got included in a bunch of awesome publications.
*Made some new friends. Lost some. Made some.
*Spent tons of time crying. Tons.
*Got in the best shape of my life (for several months) until my trainer left :(. I nearly had a 6 pack for a minute there...but I'll get it back. I really like weights now!
*Learned to be more organized.
*Got highlights and much better nails.
*Identified every childhood issue, and worked on them all a ton. Not fun, but I can see the results now. I've never been so happy to be alone. I'm just happy all the time now.
*Reflected a lot on my life goals and think I'm clearer on stuff now.
*So, yay.
I feel 2013 is already off to a great start. With Valentine's Day approaching, the guys are all freaking out realizing how alone they are, so I'm getting a lot more interest than normal. And I'm also just really enjoying being single.
I've gotten into cooking/baking healthy food...which doesn't always turn out great. But sometimes it does. Who knew you could make fast ice cream w/ avocados and cocoa powder? And it's delicious! And I'm starting to learn to hip hop dance, which I just love. Seriously I love it. I'm sad that Americas Best Dance Crew went off of the air, because I only discovered it recently on YouTube. I've noticed I'm writing more again also, which is great.
I got the worst cold, and I think it was actually Whooping Cough, because it was unlike anything I'd ever had -- something about the sickness "felt very 1900s" to me, like you see in movies, when someone is coughing into a hanky and in the next scene they're dead. That's what it felt like. I was in bed pretty much unable to get up all day, and I had to order seamless web for all of my meals, and get into my in-case-of-hurricane food.
I had all of the symptoms, (including cough medicine/drops not helping and making it worse). I read online that garlic is a huge cure for Whooping Cough, and shockingly, it worked!
I read that you grind up garlic, and squish it onto the bottoms of your feet and sleep like that (w/ socks over it -- I also wrapped my feet in plastic wrap because the garlic smell will get on your sheets! ew). After 2.5 weeks of coughing constantly at night, this stopped it within an hour. I was still draggy for a few days, but the cough went away completely. Otherwise, Whooping Cough can last 2-3 months. Just a note, if you use the garlic, it's extremely potent and will burn your skin. I actually got a few burns on my feet and a blistered-burn from it. So it's better to wrap some cheesecloth (or tights) around the garlic so it's not in direct contact with your skin. Lesson learned! It sure killed the bug though.
I also covered the bottoms of my feet w/ olive oil w/ a few drops of peppermint essential oil (again, beware full strength as essential oil will give you 2nd degree burns if not diluted in other oil), and this also really helped -- my mom said Vick's Vapor Rub on the bottoms of your feet helps w/ coughs (and that's Menthol) so I figured peppermint would work similarly, and it worked great!
Your feet soak up and absorb stuff really easily, as you can see. Which is why if you put a garlic clove on your foot, you can taste it in your mouth within 15 minutes (try it, it seriously is so odd!).
Anyway, enough about my feet and natural cures :).
Hopefully I'll be back on the Subway soon, as I've been okay with elevators lately! I have a feeling I'm about to turn the corner on this. And a lot of things! :) I just feel so grateful for everything now, and it's so nice to be over the past finally :).
It's like I'm emerging from the dark cloud stage! Yay!
<3 p="p">
And it helps me know what my clients are sometimes going through. I can help them so much more when I go through more of my own pain and struggles. It's just given me a great perspective on life, and I think I'm becoming more spiritual as well. I feel like now I can really be happy with nothing. So long as I have my potential, that's all I need.
Through it all, I still love New York as much as the first day I set foot on Manhattan ground, here on this blog on day 1. I don't think that will ever change. Just walking the streets at night, no matter how much I was hurting, it just always cheered me up. It always makes me feel at home.
So I don't regret a thing. And here's to having a great 2013 for everyone.
It always makes me laugh when I get those "how our year was" emails or letters. They're nice of course, and I'll probably make my own some day. But I find it interesting how people often leave out all the bad stuff, and only include the good things: "Jimmy is enjoying art class, and our dog is now trained." And they don't include the bad things: "I've been starting antidepressants." etc.
My year in review? For 2012.
*Had panic attacks all year, and took cabs mostly.
*Divorce was final.
*Had a gazillion dates, and several short "relationships" if you can call them that?
*I've never been much of a car person, but I dated two guys w/ convertibles in a row over the summer...(a BMW and Porsche 911 I think?). One of them took me to a castle. The other drove me to Connecticut for dinner. Life could be worse. Strangely, they were both the same personality type, INTJ. Which isn't a bad type for me really, but neither were the right match for me long-term. I think I really like cars now.
*Was invited to speak at a pretty awesome college. It was the biggest kind of speech I've done, and they said it was a "home run!" That was seriously an amazing experience.
*Got included in a bunch of awesome publications.
*Made some new friends. Lost some. Made some.
*Spent tons of time crying. Tons.
*Got in the best shape of my life (for several months) until my trainer left :(. I nearly had a 6 pack for a minute there...but I'll get it back. I really like weights now!
*Learned to be more organized.
*Got highlights and much better nails.
*Identified every childhood issue, and worked on them all a ton. Not fun, but I can see the results now. I've never been so happy to be alone. I'm just happy all the time now.
*Reflected a lot on my life goals and think I'm clearer on stuff now.
*So, yay.
I feel 2013 is already off to a great start. With Valentine's Day approaching, the guys are all freaking out realizing how alone they are, so I'm getting a lot more interest than normal. And I'm also just really enjoying being single.
I've gotten into cooking/baking healthy food...which doesn't always turn out great. But sometimes it does. Who knew you could make fast ice cream w/ avocados and cocoa powder? And it's delicious! And I'm starting to learn to hip hop dance, which I just love. Seriously I love it. I'm sad that Americas Best Dance Crew went off of the air, because I only discovered it recently on YouTube. I've noticed I'm writing more again also, which is great.
I got the worst cold, and I think it was actually Whooping Cough, because it was unlike anything I'd ever had -- something about the sickness "felt very 1900s" to me, like you see in movies, when someone is coughing into a hanky and in the next scene they're dead. That's what it felt like. I was in bed pretty much unable to get up all day, and I had to order seamless web for all of my meals, and get into my in-case-of-hurricane food.
I had all of the symptoms, (including cough medicine/drops not helping and making it worse). I read online that garlic is a huge cure for Whooping Cough, and shockingly, it worked!
I read that you grind up garlic, and squish it onto the bottoms of your feet and sleep like that (w/ socks over it -- I also wrapped my feet in plastic wrap because the garlic smell will get on your sheets! ew). After 2.5 weeks of coughing constantly at night, this stopped it within an hour. I was still draggy for a few days, but the cough went away completely. Otherwise, Whooping Cough can last 2-3 months. Just a note, if you use the garlic, it's extremely potent and will burn your skin. I actually got a few burns on my feet and a blistered-burn from it. So it's better to wrap some cheesecloth (or tights) around the garlic so it's not in direct contact with your skin. Lesson learned! It sure killed the bug though.
I also covered the bottoms of my feet w/ olive oil w/ a few drops of peppermint essential oil (again, beware full strength as essential oil will give you 2nd degree burns if not diluted in other oil), and this also really helped -- my mom said Vick's Vapor Rub on the bottoms of your feet helps w/ coughs (and that's Menthol) so I figured peppermint would work similarly, and it worked great!
Your feet soak up and absorb stuff really easily, as you can see. Which is why if you put a garlic clove on your foot, you can taste it in your mouth within 15 minutes (try it, it seriously is so odd!).
Anyway, enough about my feet and natural cures :).
Hopefully I'll be back on the Subway soon, as I've been okay with elevators lately! I have a feeling I'm about to turn the corner on this. And a lot of things! :) I just feel so grateful for everything now, and it's so nice to be over the past finally :).
It's like I'm emerging from the dark cloud stage! Yay!
<3 p="p">
And it helps me know what my clients are sometimes going through. I can help them so much more when I go through more of my own pain and struggles. It's just given me a great perspective on life, and I think I'm becoming more spiritual as well. I feel like now I can really be happy with nothing. So long as I have my potential, that's all I need.
Through it all, I still love New York as much as the first day I set foot on Manhattan ground, here on this blog on day 1. I don't think that will ever change. Just walking the streets at night, no matter how much I was hurting, it just always cheered me up. It always makes me feel at home.
So I don't regret a thing. And here's to having a great 2013 for everyone.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
new poem by me
Stolen by age
The seeds you threw into
this sandbox
in this place we used to sit
grains of sands covering our hands
as we played as children
your bright eyes gleamed in the sun
with that wonder of just not
knowing
very much at all
but hoping for such
bright things.
These seeds eventually wove
their path, a wave motion,
growth breaking through that
dried out older sand,
until,
I stepped out onto the porch to see
in my old empty sandbox,
flowers, bright purple and pink,
standing tall, greeting me,
with a memory of what you were.
So bright to me.
And even with this empty, empty
city. Know I will never forget, the way
those flowers grew.
Even if I only knew you so long
ago.
Back when we had light in our eyes,
and it wasn’t yet stolen by age and
gray skies and the wearing away
of every day on the subway behind
lonely newspapers.
In my mind I step outside,
to look at that sandbox.
Just a reminder of that sweet smell
of those bright flowers, tall strong stalks
of green, was enough to make me feel
that sunshine in my eyes.
They lit up again.
Even though I’ll never see you again,
thank you, old friend.
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